David Gold blames jet lag for Andy Carroll signing

Fake News » David Gold blames jet lag for Andy Carroll signing

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David Gold blames jet lag
Gold… Hammered (Image: East Ham Bull)

David Gold blames jet lag for many things – flatulence, being a bit irritable, accidentally favouriting tweets calling for Sam Allardyce’s head – but a transfer?

The West Ham United co-owner has thrown Andy Carroll’s signing into the mix, reasoning that he “might as well while [I’m] at it” and mumbling Muttley-esquely about the former England forward’s projected four-month injury layoff.

Carroll’s spell at Upton Park has been blighted by injuries ever since making his move from Liverpool permanent in a £15m deal – he ruptured his Achilles tendon strings upon signing the contract, and missed the first three months of last season with a broken record.

Speaking exclusively to Football Burp, Gold denied that he’s actually a pantomime Wizard of Oz lion and explained how a 33-hour flight from New Zealand was at fault for signing Carroll.

He said: “I was in my car scanning through my tweets when I found one from someone saying we should sign Andy Carroll.

“So I did. And you know, I don’t want this story to be all like ‘David Gold blames jet lag’ or anything, but that is precisely what happened.

“I’d heard that Andy was good in the air, so I personally arranged to have him flown up to 40,000 feet above sea level – he was indeed impressive, defeating Ricardo Vaz Tê in five straight games of one-on-one basketball.

“That just made things worse jet-lag-wise. We ended up having breakfast at 5pm, it was insane.”

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