It’s the Daniel Sturridge injury latest that’s got everyone charging about in a panicked frenzy, and Football Burp can exclusively reveal it – basically, his arm’s fallen off again.
We were right on the money when we reported last November that his arm had fallen off in the build-up to England’s friendly against Germany, but Liverpool were able to reattach it on that occasion using the very latest science.
Now, however, Brendan Rodgers fears that his star striker may never again be able to play for England – although playing for Liverpool should be just fine.
He grumbled: “You use different arms when you’re playing for England than you do when you’re playing for Liverpool.
“That’s proven science, son. Just check out my 180-page dossier entitled ‘The Leadership of Command’ – it’s like my one on the loneliness of command, only more leadership orientated.
“Frankly it’s no concern of mine what José Mourinho is doing with Diego Costa. Why do you even bring it up?
“You know, I’m sat here giving you the Daniel Sturridge injury latest you so wantonly crave, yet all you can do is make facetious insinuations that I’m copying José and consulting a thesaurus.
“Sturridge may never play for England again and your only concern is making me out to be some sort of chancer?
“I bet I’ve got your name written down in an envelope somewhere. I’ll have a rummage around the attic, but I bet it’s there.”