Coveted England Star Denies Barbershop Brassneckery
- By Football Burp
Bolton Wanderers defender Gary Cahill has denied putting his little finger to his bottom lip while issuing his wage demands to Chelsea.
The England centre-back, a Sagittarius, also rubbished speculation that he looked Roman Abramovich dead in the eye and said, “One. Hundred. Thousand. Pounds. A week,” while nodding his head assertively at each punctuated juncture.
Despite rumours sweeping the internet that he also hired a barbershop quartet to burst through the doors and sing, “Thanks for the bid/Not waiting ‘til I’m free/I’ll take four million quid/As a signing-on fee” over and over, Cahill, whose winning goal at Goodison Park last night lifted Owen Coyle’s beleaguered Trotters off the foot of the table, insists that he only wants to take precautionary measures against the possibility that playing alongside John Terry might eventually result in a costly divorce settlement.
Speaking to Football Burp, Cahill said: “How did you get this number?”
He added: “F*** off.”