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Commentator chuckles set for sharp rise after Suárez return

Suárez's every involvement was met with first a comment pertaining to his capacity for headline-making followed by a hearty round of chortling.

By Jonny Abrams

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Chuckle Brothers
Martin Tyler and Alan Smith last night

Luis Suárez’s return to action for Liverpool is set to precipitate a sharp rise in commentator chuckles, experts have forecasted forecast.

The Uruguayan, 9 and a half, made his long-awaited comeback from suspension in last night’s 1-0 League Cup defeat to Manchester United at Old Trafford, much to the mild amusement of commentators Martin Tyler and Alan Smith.

Experts were fascinated to note that each and every instance of Suárez’s involvement was met with first a comment pertaining to his capacity for headline-making and then a hearty round of chortling.

A dossier was compiled, including the following:

(Suárez makes his first touch)

Tyler: No surprise to see him in the action already! *snort*

Smith: Hehe. That’s right, Martin.

(Suárez tricks Ryan Giggs out of a header by shouting “leave it”)

Tyler: He’s no stranger to the dark arts of the game, is he? *snort*

Smith: Hehe. That’s right, Martin.

(Suárez hits the bar with a free kick)

Tyler: Well, you could see the headlines being written already! *snort*

Smith: Hehe. He’s so racist.

Speaking exclusively to Football Burp, an expert explained that CCS (chuckling commentator syndrome) can be attributed to the increasingly vast sums of money being invested into the game.

She said: “Obviously Martin Tyler’s burgeoning senility has something to do with it, but it’s mostly the money.

“The more money that’s invested, the stronger the top teams’ squads, the more frequently a commentator can look at Mata and Torres sitting on Chelsea’s bench and say, ‘Not much strength in depth to call upon there, then! *snort*’

“We anticipate a sharp rise in CCS now that Suárez is back in the fold – his levels of technical ability and controversy-stirring will leave commentators guffawing helplessly in his wake.

“We’d advise armchair supporters to surround their televisions with a layer of ballistic glass in order to intercept any implements of destruction they might want to hurl at it in a fit of rage.”