Football Burp understands that Chelsea have approached a particularly tall man in the street after getting knocked back by Peter Crouch.
The reigning Premier League champions turned their attentions to the Stoke target man after Andy Carroll incurred a hairline fracture to the ankle from the shock of hearing that Chelsea wanted to sign him.
They then suffered a further blow when Crouch deemed them “a bit too passy for my tastes”, while moves for Carl Leaburn and Ian Marshall were scuppered by chronology.
Hopes are high however for the recruitment of Steve, a six foot eight man from Peckham who appeared receptive to the unsolicited approach.
Steve said: “Sure, I’d love to play for Chelsea.
“I mean, I’m a Spurs fan, but you can’t really afford to be picky when a Premier League giant comes in for you unexpectedly. And it should be fun linking up with Hazard.
“My wage demands? I suppose I’d happily take ten grand a week, which would make me a bargain in this day and age.
“So let’s up it to a hundred grand.”