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Celtic reinstated to Champions League, nothing dodgy going on

Definitely nothing untoward happening, confirms mutual spokesperson for Bhoys and Legia Warsaw.

By Jonny Abrams

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Celtic reinstated to Champions League? That would be a brief case
BRIEFCASE: Any legal hearing would be a brief case, because nothing dodgy’s going on (Image: Dev920)

Celtic reinstated to Champions League after 6-1 aggregate defeat to Legia Warsaw, you say? Sure, I can believe that.

Polish side brought on ineligible player in the last few minutes, you say? 3-0 ‘walkover’ win awarded to Celtic that puts them through on away goals, you say?

Yeah, it’s all a bit convenient, but that could happen. Stranger things, after all, have – especially in this funny old game we call football.

What’s that you say? It happened a few years ago? Celtic reinstated to Champions League after Sion contravened a transfer ban? Well, er…

Speaking exclusively to Football Burp, a mutual spokesperson for Celtic and Legia Warsaw – let’s call him Jockpole McStanislav – assured us that there’s absolutely nothing dodgy going on.

He said: “There definitely isn’t, so if you’ve intimated in this article that there is then I’d suggest you remove it immediately.

“Don’t even speculate on it – in fact, you’re probably best off denying it outright in the title of the piece.

“You’re aware of defamation law, right? You could be sued for everything you’re worth if you’re not careful, including those tattered rags you call clothes.

“Seriously, you’ll have nothing left. So I’d suggest you make it absolutely clear to your readers that nothing dodgy is going on whatsoever in the reinstating of Celtic to the Champions League.

“It’s not like this is the Nigeria national team we’re dealing with here. Wait, can I say that?

“Please don’t print that.”

He added: “See you in court.”