Britain demands Beckham-themed Olympics

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David Beckham should be the main feature of the London Olympics, says Britain
Beckham… Snub (Img: Ferdia O’Brien)

London’s Olympics committee has come under fire for not including David Beckham on their closing ceremony line-up.

It had been widely hoped that Beckham, inordinately revered, would take his place alongside Blur, New Order and The Specials for the extravaganza, which shall take place on August 12th in Hyde Park.

Although he has not released an album in years, Beckham was all set to roll back the years with a greatest hits show until he received an answerphone message containing only the ‘wrong answer’ sound from Family Fortunes.

An indignant British public said: “Couldn’t they have at least let him do the warm-up? I mean, what better way to set the stage for all that great British music than with acoustic renditions of ‘Sarong Baby’, ‘Pumped Up Free-Kicks’ and ‘Beck For Good’?

“I think it’s an outrageous show of disrespect for them to string him along like that and then evict him in the final round, probably for their own egos more than anything else.

“If it was up to me, the British public, I’d base the whole opening ceremony around him too – just have him and Prince William in the middle of the field taking it in turns to pay their respects to Princess Diana through the medium of making dogs dance.

“In fact, I’d go the whole hog and call the whole thing the Olymp-Becks, erecting at least one eye-wateringly expensive monument depicting his life and times. And of course he’d get all the medals at the end.

“Why is it that we can see this but the organisers can’t?”

A spokesperson for the committee said: “We absolutely could not take the chance that his wife might get up onstage and sing with him.”

Meanwhile, that last gag has agreed a four-year contract with Have I Got News For You.

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