An Everton fan who bravely tried to punch a Lyon player while carrying a child has been rewarded with a lifetime ban from Goodison Park.
The supporter, who confirmed the child he was holding to be his own, told Football Burp of his delight at never having to watch the Toffees again.
He said: “It’s just such a relief, really, all those Everton matches were nothing if not soul-destroying.
“I know there’s a lot being made of how brave I was to attempt to fight a Lyon player with effectively just one arm, but a lot of credit should go to my mates who kept getting me beers in even after it was clear I didn’t need any more.
“I’d also like to thank my wife because, needless to say, she gave me a hero’s welcome when I got back home last night.
“She keeps saying how proud she is to be married to me and what a great role model I am to our son, and that makes it all worthwhile.
“Now we can all look forward to a cosy life together of not watching Everton, and lashing out at anyone even vaguely French who comes near us.
“Am I a hero? Yes, probably.”
Ronald Koeman is believed to be in line for a similar reward for his services to easing Everton’s fixture list.