Black Cats Boss Okay After Domestic Fall, Still Wants Target Man

Fake News » Black Cats Boss Okay After Domestic Fall, Still Wants Target Man

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Sunderland boss Martin O'Neill wants to sign Bolton Wanderers forward Kevin Davies
O'Neill... Tactical breakthrough (Img: Jonesy702)

Sunderland manager Martin O’Neill has been released from hospital having received treatment for a mild head wound following a fall at his home.

O’Neill, a Pisces, had been working on a deal to bring Bolton Wanderers stalwart Kevin Davies to the Stadium of Light when the incident occurred in the basement of his home, according to his wife.

Mrs O’Neill told Football Burp that she had heard a series of increasingly maniacal exclamations of “YES!” followed by a dull thud, upon which she rushed downstairs to see if everything was okay.

She said: “I found Martin lying face down on the floor in a pool of his own blood, with a copy of Brian Clough’s autobiography sitting open over his shoulders as if massaging them. It must have fallen from the shelf.

“Martin was gripping a permanent marker so he had obviously just been writing on his whiteboard. I had a look, and there was a circle with ‘Davies’ written inside of it, with two arrows pointing at it from either side emanating from a further two circles, labelled respectively as ‘McLean’ and ‘Larsson’.

“The doctor thinks that he passed out from excitement-induced hyperventilation and hit his head on the desk on the way down. He’s still a bit concussed at the moment so I’ll give him a bit of time to recover before asking him about it all.”

A dribbling O’Neill said: “H…H…Heskey. Carew! Carew! Carew!

“Hartson, Sutton, Heskey. Careeewww! G…g…get up, Bendtner!”

He added: “G…G…GET IT OUT WIDE!”

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