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Astonishing scenes as some teams get promoted and some relegated

By Jonny Abrams

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Bee
Brentford’s players were on their knees (Image: aussiegall)

A nation chorused “football, bloody hell!” in unison this weekend as some teams got promoted and some teams got relegated, just like every season.

The nation, still bog-eyed in amazement, could scarcely believe what they were seeing as a construct set up to promote and relegate teams between divisions succeeded, once again, in promoting and relegating teams between divisions without a hitch.

Still, that was pretty nuts what happened at Brentford.

Speaking exclusively to Football Burp, Bees manager Uwe Rösler was happy to pose for photographs and sign Panini stickers of himself from the mid-’90s, when he pointed the way towards Shaun Goater and Sergio Aguero by scoring a whole bunch of goals for Manchester City.

He said: “I remember posing for this picture like it was yesterday. At the time there was a lot of competition to be the best overseas centre forward – Eric Cantona, myself, Jan Åge Fjørtoft and Daniel Amokachi would have a laugh and a joke about it when we met up to play snooker together, but inside we were all raring to outdo each other.

“The pressure got too much for Florin Răducioiu – he now spends his days sitting on a toadstool painting surrealist portraits of Marco Boogers then burning them. I’ve been to visit him but the only words he’ll say are the digits of all the numbers he’s learned off by heart from a Romanian phone book.

“I’ll never forget the day we found out that Chris Armstrong was lying about being Belgian. I don’t think any of us have ever spoken to him since then.”

Asked how he felt when Marcello Trotta missed a penalty and Doncaster Rovers went straight up the other end and scored a 96th minute winner, ensuring their promotion at Brentford’s expense, Rösler remained philosophical.

He said: “How do you ****ing well think I felt, you ****?”

“Would you like a mark out of ten? How about, zero, ****face?”

He added: “****.”