Ashley Young dives became an officially recognised staple of English football yesterday as the Manchester United wing-back tumbled for a fourth consecutive manager.
Having previously flopped and swooned all over the shop for Martin O’Neill, Sir Alex Ferguson and David Moyes, Young continued his run with a textbook effort during the Red Devils’ 1-1 draw at Sunderland.
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Young was not just rewarded with a yellow card – according to a long-since-forgotten-about FA ruling, a player who dives under four different managers gets a special emblem, one of a capeless Superman on a turfwards trajectory, sewn into his or her match jersey forever more.
Speaking exclusively to Football Burp, Young pointed out that ‘continuing his run’ was exactly what he didn’t do.
He said: “You wrote that I continued my run with a textbook effort, but I didn’t continue my run at all.
“I dived onto the floor. That’s pretty much the opposite of continuing your run, isn’t it?
“Anyway, shouldn’t you be writing about Ángel Di María? That’s much bigger news than me diving again, which barely anyone even noticed anyway.
“You’re just plain not doing your job properly if you’re busy prattling on about my dives when United have just signed a player for £75m.
“Why don’t you write something about that?”
Fine, we will.
He quipped: “Well I guess that makes it all okay, then.”
Yes, it does.
He added: “Good.”
Er, give us an hour or so.