The Nicolas Anelka West Brom move that’s sweeping the nation has thoroughly hacked off new Norwich City signing Nathan Redmond, new Norwich City signing Nathan Redmond has confirmed.
Redmond, Nathan, had been looking forward to being the main story on a few websites at least for a few hours or so, but it’s all ruined now that that rotter Anelka has joined his fifty squillionth club, if that’s even a number.
Speaking exclusively to Football Burp, Redmond admitted that his initial thought was “you French b*****d” but that he subsequently regretted even thinking that.
He said: “You can’t really say that can you? I mean, I only thought it, but still.
“I’ve nothing against France – in fact, I love French fries, toast, bread, kissing and even wine – so the inclusion of ‘French’ wouldn’t have inferred any prejudice on my part.
“It’s just a an embellishing adjective derived from one of his prominent features, ie. being French.
“I mean, come on, the guy played for the French football team for crying out loud. How French is that?
“That’s well French.”
He continued: “My next thought was ‘isn’t it ironic, me sulking about Le Sulk himself?’
“Of course, my next thought was ‘is that actually ironic?’. I’ve never been quite clear on the precise definition.”
He continued: “I am quite eloquent for a 19-year-old footballer, aren’t I? That’s because this is my agent speaking.
“Oh look, it’s Friday. I’m going to take an early lunch.”
He added: “Er, be right back.”
Speaking exclusively to someone else, the real Nathan Redmond said he was delighted to be joining Norwich or some such waffle.
He said: “I’m delighted to be joining Norwich or some such waffle.
“I can’t wait to work alongside yadda yadda yadda and I think that whatever could really improve my, you know, game.
“It’s gonna be bangin’.”