Alexis Sánchez Chile burnout attracts hungry punters
- By Football Burp
The punters, hungry, had congregated in the mistaken belief that the Alexis Sánchez Chile burnout was some kind of food festival, or ‘cook-off’, rather than a phenomenon whereby the football team of a South American nation runs one of the Gunners’ star players into the ground.
Dozens of would-be partakers were left “disappointed and shocked” by the stark absence of delicious, red-hot chilli, instead finding only a panting Alexis Sánchez midway through a hundred quite unnecessary push-ups.
Any lingering hopes of an edible climax were extinguished when Sánchez was subsequently dispatched on an around-the-world yacht sail.
Speaking exclusively to Football Burp, Darren, a disappointed punter and Arsenal fan from Islington, gave us the low-down from the very epicentre of his situational Venn diagram.
He said: “As both a Gooner and a chilli addict, I have to say I felt enormously let down on two counts.
“In the end I had to go home and make my own chilli, and I had to do so in the knowledge that Alexis Sánchez may not be 100% fit when we take on West Bromwich Albion at the Hawthorns this weekend.
“Did they really have to play him for 2 hours the other day? The match itself only lasted 90 minutes.
“I’m no expert but it strikes me that they could have saved him half an hour’s worth of unnecessarily expended energy by taking him aside and explaining that the match was over and he could stop running around now.
“And don’t get me started on the rucksack full of boulders they strapped to his back.”