Sergio Agüero has announced he is in the process of establishing his own Manchester City, one built both around him and in his own image.
According to the Argentine striker, his Man City will walk out of the tunnel to “I Don’t Want to Miss a Game” by Agüerosmith and will sport a club crest which self-updates to show his latest Instagram pics.
Agüero had become crestfallen at losing his place to 19-year-old Gabriel Jesus, whose two goals gave City a 2-1 win over Swansea on Sunday.
But he will soon be in the unique position of getting to challenge Pep Guardiola to a City-off.
He told Football Burp: “I’ve played in Europe for years and scored about a billion goals, so I don’t need some jumped-up Champions League winner coming along and telling me how I should be playing.
“If I can’t make Manchester City great again, I’ll just start my own Manchester City and make that one great.
“Nobody knows better than me how the entire team should be playing in order to maximise my explosive potential, so I’ll be in charge of recruitment and training.
“And once we’ve perfected the art of getting the best out of me, we will issue a challenge to Pep’s City to try and best us in a 38-game league campaign.
“I’m currently locked in negotiations with the Premier League with a view to expanding it to 21 teams, and I’m confident they also want to see me playing and scoring just like old times.
“At the end of the day, isn’t that all that anyone really wants?”