Acorah brought in to investigate Moyes fixture list complaint
- By Football Burp
Derek Acorah, the UK’s number one authority on the supernatural, has been brought in to investigate the phenomenon already being described as “David Moyes fixture list complaint”.
The bloke, Scouse, was yesterday the recipient of an urgent phone call from a distressed sounding FA, who feared that the newly installed Manchester United manager had somehow become possessed by the spirit of Sir Alex Ferguson.
News that Ferguson remains very much alive and well has been met with confusion in the Acorah camp, who are adamant that what they are calling “spirit duplication” is not something they have encountered before.
Telepathically communicating exclusively to Football Burp, Acorah revealed that he and his team arrived at Old Trafford to find Moyes crawling on the ceiling, spewing green bile and frantically pointing at his wristwatch.
He said: “It’s long been noted that Ferguson is a figure of great power within the game.
“What we didn’t know was that his powers extend way beyond merely wielding his influence over match officials and FA executives in order to gain advantages for his team.
“Having now seen with my own eyes David Moyes rubbing a crucifix on his crotch and growling the words ‘your fixture list sucks **** in Hell’, I can confirm that Sir Alex possesses powers quite beyond our comprehension.”
Acorah then stopped to field a message from a ghost with a Scouse accent.
He continued: “Seems to me that Sir Alex has, if you like, ‘copy/pasted’ his soul into that of his successor, David.
“Go talk to him, see what he says.”
Growling exclusively to Football Burp, Moyes took time out from spinning his head around 360 to point out how jolly unfair the 2013-14 Premier League fixture list is.
He hissed: “I find it hard to believe that that’s how the balls came out of the bag. How can it be that we have to start with such difficult games?
“I mean, Swansea? What the **** is that all about?
“It’s obvious that the FA are trying to derail us by giving us such a hard start to the season.
“Because we’re Champions again, and they don’t like that for some reason.”
When Football Burp asked Moyes if having a difficult start to the season means they can enjoy an easy end to the season, he stuttered “yeah…but” a few times while the colour flowed back into his face and hair.
He said: “I just had the strangest dream.
“I was a total ****bag.”
Does the David Moyes fixture list complaint hold water for you? Have your say in the comments section below, but try not to get water all over it…