The best jokes from England 3-0 USA, Rooney farewell international at Wembley

Wayne back for one night only.

There were jokes from England 3-0 USA, Wayne Rooney's farewell international
(Image: Vimeo/Laurence Griffiths)

England beat USA in a friendly at Wembley on Thursday night, in a match billed as Wayne Rooney’s farewell international after the MLS striker returned to the international side.

The hosts strolled to an easy victory with a relatively inexperienced starting line-up ahead of a Nations League tie at the weekend and were two-nil up after less than half an hour.

The man of the moment, currently at D.C. United, entered the fray in the 58th minute but was unable to get the goal that the crowd so wanted him to get.

These were the best of the jokes from England 3-0 USA:

Genuine danger the political collapse of the United Kingdom might start to overshadow Wayne Rooney Day

— Barney Ronay (@barneyronay) November 15, 2018

England XI to face USA: Rooney, Rooney's Mum, Rooney's Dad, Rooney's Brother, Colleen, Rooney's Mate Dave, Rooney's Butcher, Rooney's Wig, Rooney's Other Mate Who's Also Called Dave, The Lad Who Runs The Red Lion In Washington, Lingard

— Paddy Power (@paddypower) November 15, 2018

💼 😂

– Gary Neville: "Donald Trump or Theresa May?"

– Wayne Rooney: "John Major."

Was not expecting that from Wazza!#ENGUSA pic.twitter.com/VtnUm0k0oZ

— The Sportsman (@TheSportsman) November 15, 2018

Sat next to some bloke wearing a #halfandhalf #EngUSA shirt and scarf munching on a box of popcorn drinking coffee

My Brain:
Don't say it
Don't say it
Don't say it
Don't say it
Don't say it
Don't say it
Don't say it

Me: So, your first time at an England game then

— walshybfc (@walshybfc) November 15, 2018

Brad Guzan in goal, Delph captain and Rooney back having a guard of homour. This is literally Soccer Aid 😂 #ENGUSA

— Mesut (@Tvvittergod1) November 15, 2018

All of Rooney's kids have "Daddy" on the back of their shirts except for his oldest who definitely pulled a "hell no I'm too old for this 'Daddy' mess" pic.twitter.com/T2lfcPICQ5

— Ryan Rosenblatt (@RyanRosenblatt) November 15, 2018

No way am I about to attempt to jump over that rope like Mourinho! 😅 #ENGUSA pic.twitter.com/c6jUmdH48q

— O S E I (@OseiSankofa) November 15, 2018

Wayne Rooney back to thank the ‘Very Loyal’ fans that he’s famously always loved #ENGUSA pic.twitter.com/iYlygiBVig

— Darren Walker (@DazHelston) November 15, 2018

Hold on. Fabien Delph is England captain and people wer complaining about Wayne Rooney being given a few minutes? 😂

— Adam McKola (@AdamMcKola) November 15, 2018

Nosey sod 😂😂😂 #footballfamily #friendlygame #ENGUSA #WayneRooney pic.twitter.com/xnha3OMD2B

— Mr70s (@70sgeezer) November 15, 2018

🎙 🇺🇸 *Martin Tyler covering England v USA*

His brain:

Don't say it
Don't say it
Don't say it
Don't say it
Don't say it
Don't say it
Don't say it
Don't say it

*Insert awful American accent*

Him: "Soccer"#ENGUSA

— The Sportsman (@TheSportsman) November 15, 2018

‘England looking sharp tonight’

They’re playing fucking America, Martin. #ENGUSA

— Luke Perrin (@LukePerrin_) November 15, 2018

England take the lead!

My Brain:

Don't say it
Don't say it
Don't say it
Don't say it
Don't say it
Don't say it
Don't say it

Me: IT'S COMING HOME 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿 #ENGUSA pic.twitter.com/dWra4LyyiO

— Goal (@goal) November 15, 2018

USA fans after those two goals pic.twitter.com/93gUtSkqAf

— ODDSbible (@ODDSbible) November 15, 2018

England show USA how it’s done. pic.twitter.com/enVsBggMLR

— B/R Football (@brfootball) November 15, 2018

Dele Alli when he sees Lingard and Sancho doing synchronised celebrations #ENGUSA pic.twitter.com/bx9mchp0Bf

— Craig Wilkinson (@craig_wilko06) November 15, 2018


— RL (@SirRandyLayman) November 15, 2018


— james (@itsjameshayes) November 15, 2018

Half time team talk from the US coach #ENGUSA pic.twitter.com/xPJZGzhu42

— StingingRoger (@GavinTaylorPip) November 15, 2018

And thus, the saddest ever piece of football commentary was uttered. #ENGUSA #SkySports pic.twitter.com/r858XIbJ9k

— Joe 🌹🦉 (@GrenoOwl) November 15, 2018

Wayne Rooney is still not on? pic.twitter.com/AhVVVh2zaB

— H. (@PrimeWxzza) November 15, 2018

International Breaks #ENGUSA pic.twitter.com/iOg9agYoEO

— topher knowles (@topherknowles) November 15, 2018

This bloke coming onto the pitch at Wembley, wanting to meet Wayne Rooney has made my night 😂 #ENGUSA pic.twitter.com/cFB8kxMqvs

— DETOX (@DETOXXING_) November 15, 2018

There should be no room for sentiment in the player ratings tonight:

"ROONEY 6️⃣ Came on too late to make an impact."

— Adam Hurrey (@FootballCliches) November 15, 2018

England blew a 13 colony lead

— Nick (@Cleverrr_) November 15, 2018

Happy 1st international Rooney day everyone. #Rooney #ENGUSA

— Don't touch that! (@therussclayton) November 15, 2018

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