😂

The best jokes as England win on penalties against Colombia in Round of 16

Nation celebrates the first England team to win a World Cup shootout.

By Jonny Abrams

· ·

Jordan Pickford will like these tweets and jokes as England beat Colombia on penalties having starred in the Round of 16 win at the World Cup in Russia
PARRIED A PENALTY: Pickford (Image: Кирилл Венедиктов)

England beat Colombia 4-3 on penalties after a 1-1 draw at the Spartak Stadium on Tuesday night in the last 16 of the World Cup in Russia.

In an epic but ill-tempered affair, Harry Kane put the country ahead from the penalty spot after he was dragged down in the area by Carlos Sánchez.

Yerry Mina scored for the third successive game to equalise in stoppage time, deflating the Three Lions with England’s Jordan Henderson the first to miss a penalty in the shootout.

Mateus Uribe then hit the bar for Colombia before Jordan Pickford saved from Carlos Bacca, paving the way for Eric Dier to score the winning spot-kick.

Gareth Southgate’s side become the first England team to win a penalty shootout at a World Cup finals.

On a memorable night for a relived nation full of unbridled joy, here are the best jokes after England beat Colombia on penalties in the Round of 16 at Russia 2018:

Can’t help but feel everything would be fine now if this fucking kid had written “2 goals” #ENGCOL pic.twitter.com/h66YcuMjdr

— James Felton (@JimMFelton) July 3, 2018

Is it just our house or is every house in England full of people walking in and out of the living room with hands on hips, muttering and sighing? #ENGCOL

— Katie (@keccks) July 3, 2018

Someone call David Attenborough because three lions just beat 11 cheaters #WorldCup #ENGCOL #ENG

— Clark Chapman (@chapperschat) July 3, 2018

I've not felt this tense and jittery since I confronted someone who pushed in the queue at the Sainsbury's self check out #ENGCOL

— Katie (@keccks) July 3, 2018

Worst rollercoaster ever. 1/10 do not recommend #ENGCOL

— Ross Hornby (@djh3max) July 3, 2018

Maybe those 3.2 million memes about Football Coming Home were slightly excessive after beating Tunisia and Panama. #ENGCOL

— Paddy Power (@paddypower) July 3, 2018

NOT TODAY SATAN #ENGCOL

— Phil Wang (@PhilNWang) July 3, 2018

Who's at the door? #ENGCOL #ENG pic.twitter.com/y3lVGPFJrr

— Ahmed Syed (@ahmed_syed_01) July 3, 2018

You have to feel for Colombia, they can console themselves with the fact they have been beaten by the eventual World Cup winners. #ENGCOL

— Paddy Power (@paddypower) July 3, 2018

We are pleased to announce that football has resumed it's journey home, after a short delay at Penalty-Shootout #ENGCOL

— Trumpton (@Trump_ton) July 3, 2018

People in London are talking to strangers. Scenes #ENGCOL

— Sathnam Sanghera (@Sathnam) July 3, 2018

Great when you've got one these in goal #ENGCOL pic.twitter.com/trDEas6ip9

— Ian Pont (@Ponty100mph) July 3, 2018

England won on penalties and almost immediately someone from the sports bar downstairs jumped into the canal.

He did a flip. #ENGCOL

— Sherlock Folmes (@Folmes) July 3, 2018

Harry, Barry, Larry, Garry and Robert. #ENGCOL pic.twitter.com/KCePejp0L1

— Becca Lopez (@beccalopezz) July 3, 2018

You have to give credit to Colombia. Still having eleven players on the pitch at full-time was a remarkable achievement. #ENGCOL

— Ian Hyland (@HylandIan) July 3, 2018

Man across the road is rolling around his front lawn with his legs in the air #ENGCOL

— Helenback (@helholds) July 3, 2018

I think I just saw two builders snogging on Holloway Road. #ENGCOL

— Jen Brister (@JenBrister) July 3, 2018

If this was the Middle East I’d join thousands of others in the street and celebrate our country’s win by beeping cars horns and dancing in the streets but this England so I’m going to celebrate with a cup of tea #ENGCOL #WorldCup pic.twitter.com/klwAOp2ROc

— Mansoureh #FBPE (@Mansourehmi) July 3, 2018

I've apologised to my TV for shouting at it during the #ENGCOL game.

— 🌐Darth Vader No1™🌐 (-o-) (@Darth_VaderNo1) July 3, 2018

Great to hear all the cars beeping. Better stop lying in the middle of the road now. #ENGCOL

— Tom Reagan’s Hat (@andymannion77) July 3, 2018

Colombians crying tears that, if dehydrated, will be worth about $100 a gram on the international market…#ENGCOL

— Morgan Calton (@mccalton) July 3, 2018

I’ve already had dinner, but in honour of that England win, I’m going to do the most English thing possible – go out for a kebab. #ENGCOL

— Raz (@raztweets) July 3, 2018

I’m gonna start pre drinking tomorrow in preperation for Saturday #EngSwe #EngCol

— Ross Murray (@RosscoJammin) July 3, 2018

When the chips are down, you can always count on McKane ⚽🎉#ENGCOL

— McCain UK (@McCainUK) July 3, 2018

Football is amazing, sitting next to a racist watching the football and when England scored, we both jumped up and hugged and we shouted “its coming home”. Special moment 🙌🏾#ENGCOL

— حسين (@libaxaa11) July 3, 2018

Stick that up your Pablo Escobarse #ENGCOL

— Conor McAlwane (@CMcalwane) July 3, 2018

Would love it if at #PMQs tomorrow every MP chosen for a question, regardless of party, stood up and said "can the Prime Minister tell the house whether it's coming home?" #ENGCOL

— Ben Harris (@btharris93) July 3, 2018

So England winning a penalty shootout at the World Cup, what are the other three signs of the Apocalypse?#ENGCOL

— Tony Cowards (@TonyCowards) July 3, 2018

We’re now watching the penalty shoot out that I couldn’t watch because I was hiding behind the kitchen cabinets. #ENGCOL

— Beth Rigby (@BethRigby) July 3, 2018

England squad tidy up changing room and leave a note after their dramatic Colombia win at the #WorldCup #ENGCOL pic.twitter.com/9sM1cH1fqR

— Virgin Media (@virginmedia) July 3, 2018

I set up a website to pass on tips to England's right back about how to take penalties. Glad to see TrippierAdvisor paid off #ENGCOL

— Ian (@Pyfbrown) July 3, 2018

If England win the World Cup I’m naming my unborn child Gareth… regardless of the gender. 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿#EngCol#ItsComingHome

— Jamie Archer (@jamiearcher7) July 3, 2018

I know I've had a beer and it's all a bit emotional but I honestly feel like, if he asked, I'd genuinely lend Gareth Southgate my drill.#ENGCOL

— Phlegm Clandango. (@Cain_Unable) July 3, 2018

“What happened dad?”

“It was the perfect storm son. England made the quarters. It landed on a Saturday afternoon. The sun was out. And everyone just got paid. No one stood a chance.” #ENGCOL pic.twitter.com/Ek2SGjzvCa

— Arsene's Eyes (@Arsenes_Eyes) July 3, 2018

Legit just watched a guy run full speed, stark naked, carrying an England flag and a can of beer, shouting ‘f*ck off Shakiraaaaaaaaa’ in unbridled joy, straight into a hedge.

I feel you brother. #ENGCOL

— Marc Ozall (@marcozall) July 3, 2018

The Creation of Adam(n) good goalkeeper.#ENGCOL #ItsComingHome pic.twitter.com/ayxFXzSMVW

— Fiona Potigny (@fionapotigny) July 3, 2018

Sad to see Colombia exiting the tournament. Their sportsmanship and upholding the integrity, values and traditions of the game are a loss to the tournament. Said nobody who watched that match. #ENGCOL

— Jonathan Sargent (@JonathanSargent) July 3, 2018

https://twitter.com/stingrae1985/status/1014258920951599104

All the dads sneaking online right now to buy a waistcoat. #ENGCOL

— Ian Hyland (@HylandIan) July 3, 2018

A tiny girl in an England shirt just gave me a high five and shouted “FOOTBALL!”
I agree. ⚽️ #ENGCOL

— Emily Berrington (@BerringtonEmily) July 3, 2018

Woke up the kids when Dier scored the decider. Now watching Peppa Pig. #ENGCOL

— Richard Ferrer 🗞 (@richferrer) July 3, 2018

"England wins penalty shootout (no joke)" Headline on Germany's biggest news website @SPIEGELONLINE. #ENGCOL pic.twitter.com/aKTVi6pAID

— Laura Schneider (@alauraschneider) July 3, 2018

I was more nervous watching those penalties then watching Dec going solo on Takeaway for the first time #ENGCOL

— All Ant and Dec (@allantanddec) July 3, 2018

So……….. I may have kind of celebrated England winning the penalty shootout by accidentally elbowing my 71yo mother in the face…… sorry mum….. #ENGCOL pic.twitter.com/KlB4BsASVT

— James Read (@JamesERead) July 3, 2018

I’m not entirely sure what ‘it’ is, but apparently it might be coming home.. #ENGCOL pic.twitter.com/L0KCjzaAlb

— Christian. (@christianfclark) July 3, 2018

Unfortunately we don’t have a BBC action line for those affected by England penalty shootouts, sorry. I suggest a lie down/beer. #ENGCOL

— BBC Comedy (@bbccomedy) July 3, 2018

taxi pls mate
yeah it’s for football
home
ta#ENGCOL pic.twitter.com/8lNKWn30fd

— ً (@kierrannn) July 3, 2018

World Cup organisers shocked as Maradona cleans up after Colombian fans #ENGCOL #ENG #worldcup #ENGvCOL

— Sir Stevo Timothy (@SirStevoTimothy) July 3, 2018

Colombians who live in a tower block near me were blowing horns non stop when they equalised. Here fucking quiet now. #ENGCOL

— Alex (@alexsemanda) July 3, 2018

Before and after the Pickford save #ENGCOL pic.twitter.com/R82nRbiXKX

— Sir John Soane's Museum (@SoaneMuseum) July 3, 2018

….. Hereby Knight the Sir Gareth Southgate. #ENGCOL #eng pic.twitter.com/7SwFn0g9Sq

— عثمان (@22UZZ1) July 3, 2018

Gareth Southgate's past is finally able to let go #ENGCOL pic.twitter.com/0NK4bgVnT4

— Steven (@AlpineJoe33) July 3, 2018

RT this if you where alive when England won a penalty shootout #ENGCOL pic.twitter.com/tSdsE0BmiO

— ClinicalLedson (@ClinicalLedson) July 3, 2018

Dier jumping right past everyone at the end 😂 #ENGCOL pic.twitter.com/RCMOLtJW7L

— Patrick Newton (@patrick44newton) July 3, 2018

Did gary neville say “im happy to see the opposition suffer”. He’s getting kidnapped within 48 hrs #ENGCOL

— _.izzy.27 (@izzybizzy99) July 3, 2018

Facebook needs to add something so England fans can declare themselves safe from a cardiac arrest#ENGCOL#WorldCup

— NUFCjamsterA (@JamieArkle11) July 3, 2018

If only Brexit could be negotiated with penalty shootouts #ENGCOL 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿🇬🇧

— Christopher Wylie 🏳️‍🌈 (@chrisinsilico) July 3, 2018

Redemption! #ENGCOL pic.twitter.com/XQVSXlG7cb

— David Schneider (@davidschneider) July 3, 2018

1990 OUT ON PENALTIES
1996 OUT ON PENALTIES
1998 OUT ON PENALTIES
2004 OUT ON PENALTIES
2006 OUT ON PENALTIES
2012 OUT ON PENALTIES
2018 DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIER!!!!#ENGCOL

— Richard Main (@RPMain) July 3, 2018

The date is August 24th, 2018. It’s been 40 days since football came home. The Queen has given Sir Harry Kane the county of Dorset. Sterling’s column has been erected in Trafalgar Square. Gareth Southgate & Jordan Pickford are new hosts of The Great British Bake Off. #ENGCOL

— Channel 4 (@Channel4) July 3, 2018

He’s just saved England and all he’s worried about is if he’s left his car door open all game #ENGCOL #england pic.twitter.com/alKJWxYZ4O

— Lauren Parry (@l4ur3n_p4rry) July 3, 2018

We’re all out in the street driving up and down beeping our car horns

When I say we …I mean me

…and when I say street …I mean in the kitchen sat on my sons car tooting the horn as I do laps of the dining table#EngCol#WorldCup pic.twitter.com/t8s4wq4aXT

— Shop Steward (@UpTheWorkers) July 3, 2018

Me walking to my World Cup wall chart to write England down for the quarter final #ENGCOL pic.twitter.com/Fw3hmzYYZl

— Em (@emilyroachy) July 3, 2018

I can’t speak for everyone but I forgive you #ENGCOL #Itscomminghome pic.twitter.com/VDGxSq9ToW

— Stuart Drake (@stuey_drake) July 3, 2018

Highlight of the match #ENGCOL pic.twitter.com/7iQINw3VBo

— Shibby (@PakisRights) July 3, 2018