Tweety Camera’s Twits of the Week: Lescott, Pacheco, Dalglish, Townsend, Nash, Thomas, Bothroyd

By Jonny Abrams

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Tweety Camera's Twits of the Week!Hello everyone! I’m former Liverpool and West Ham United forward Tweety Camera, and I’m a right nosy so-and-so.

All day every day, you can be sure that I’ll be scouring Twitter, sniffing out the very best of my fellow professionals’ musings like I used to sniff out goal-scoring chances, and presenting them for your delectation with the kind of ruthless efficiency that saw me net 23 times in 38 games for my native Guinea. I do so hope that you enjoy this week’s selections…

Disclaimer: The views expressed by the following Twits do not necessarily reflect my own – signed Tweety Camera, formerly of Liverpool and West Ham United

Hello everyone! It’s me, former Liverpool and West Ham United forward Tweety Camera! How have you been killing the time since the Euros ended? Me, I’ve been scouring Twitter, sniffing out the…oh wait, I said that in the intro. Whoopsy daisy.

I may be a forgetful so-and-so, but I’m long enough in the tooth to be just about able to cope with weeks at a time without football. Some, however – not mentioning any names, Ipswich Town attacker Jay Emmanuel-Thomas – go a little bit crazy…

That’s a bit mean-spirited, Jay. I know there’s no footy on the box at present but that’s no reason to be all Hatey McHaterson about it. Perhaps the lack of sunny weather is getting your goat down? I know Liverpool’s young Spanish forward Daniel ‘Dani’ Pacheco has been struggling with it. Isn’t that right, Dani?

LOL! Sure takes me back to my spell on Merseyside. It was once so cold that I bought every scarf in the club shop, dug a hole in the ground and hibernated for three solid months. Gerard Houllier thought I was sidelined with a groin strain but really I was curled up in an underground bunker eating Spaghetti Hoops. Hang on, I’ve got a picture coming through from Manchester City and England defender Joleon Lescott…

LOLOL!! Oh, I do love my mainstream confectionary. Did you win any?

Bravo, Joleon! The FA Cup, the Premier League title and now this. Perhaps you were right to leave Everton after all. Isn’t that right, Paul Dalglish?

Yep, well put, Paul.

Okay, Paul, thank you.

LOLOLOL!!! Great stuff, Paul! How are you spending your summer, much-travelled goalkeeper Carlo Nash?

How bazaar! LOLOLOLOLOL!!!!! Sorry, should have left that one for Neil’s comedy corner. No doubt he’ll have something to say about Robin Van Persie’s refusal to sign a new contract with Arsenal. After all, Tottenham Hotspur starlet Andros Townsend did…

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!!!!!! Gooners fans’ll have your guts for garters over that one, young Andros!

Thanks for tuning in again, everyone. I’ll leave you with a photo of Jay Bothroyd and Bruce Forsyth…

LOLOLOLOL!!!!! Have a good weekend, everyone!