👀

Tweety Camera’s Twits of the Week: Begovic, Hunt, Simpson, Mendieta, Shipperley, Owen

By Jonny Abrams

· · · · · · · · ·

Tweety Camera's Twits of the Week: Begovic, Hunt, Simpson, Mendieta, Shipperley, OwenHello everyone! I’m former Liverpool and West Ham United forward Tweety Camera, and I’m a right nosy so-and-so.

All day every day, you can be sure that I’ll be scouring Twitter, sniffing out the very best of my fellow professionals’ musings like I used to sniff out goal-scoring chances, and presenting them for your delectation with the kind of ruthless efficiency that saw me net 23 times in 38 games for my native Guinea. I do so hope that you enjoy this week’s selections…

Disclaimer: The views expressed by the following Twits do not necessarily reflect my own – signed Tweety Camera, formerly of Liverpool and West Ham United

Hello everyone!

LOL! Good morning, Asmir!

Good morning, Edin!

What’s everybody up to?

LOL! I remember “Blue” by Eiffel 65 like it was only yesterday – it was released in September 1999, shortly before I wrote my name into Anfield folklore by scoring in consecutive games against Southampton, Bradford City and my next-club-to-be West Ham. I’d only just settled into the area, so the song not only soundtracked my initial homesickness – and boy did I feel blue, stuck on my own in that weird-smelling room in the Adelphi hotel – but also the elation that accompanied the blistering run of goal-scoring form I was soon to embark on.

I used to whistle it constantly in training, much to the bemusement of my team mates – I remember a young Steven Gerrard taking me aside to explain that, as the colour of our local rivals Everton, blue shouldn’t ever be celebrated in any way at Melwood. It’s those kinds of lessons which ultimately led me to my current capacity as Sports Minister of my native Guinea.

I don’t know why they couldn’t find a picture of me to accompany the article I linked to there! LOLOLOL!!!

How did you spend your Saturday night, West Bromwich Albion youngster George Thorne? A little forward tells me you just stayed in and watched TV.

LOL! See? It’s nice to still be in touch with some of my old team mates. Others weren’t so nice, however – for example, Stephane Henchoz once called me a “dipstick” for accidentally knocking over his plate of chips when I sprung up from the canteen table after hearing an ice cream van outside. I stayed behind to help clear up and offer my apologies, missing out on my Calippo in the process, and still he refused to talk to me from that day on.

I do wonder what he’s doing now. Furthermore, I wonder if Aston Villa’s starlets had a more eventful Saturday night than their Baggies counterparts.

LOL! That’s a no, then! I gather some kids or other butchered Tina Turner classic “Simply the Best”?

Come on Darren, that’s not on – wife-beating is a serious issue in the pop music community, and I’d expect a Norwich City legend such as yourself to know better. Legendary hard man Vinnie Jones, do you have anything to say that might make Darren feel suitably chastened?

LOL! You mean Darren, right?

Erm…excuse me, Vinnie?

LOL! They sure are, Danny!

…?…

LOLOLOL!!!!

This is another song that I like.

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!!!!!!! LOL!!! LOL!!!

LOLOLOLOLOL!!!!

That’s really funny, Gaizka!

See you next week, everyone!

Tune in every Thursday for more from Football Burp’s very own Tweety Camera!