Tweety Camera: Ferdinand, Kompany, Lineker, Assou-Ekotto, Ameobi, Earnshaw

Tweety Camera's Twits of the Week: Leiva, Assou-Ekotto, Meyler, Rose, Ricketts, WainwrightHello everyone! I’m former Liverpool and West Ham United forward Tweety Camera, and I’m a right nosy so-and-so.

All day every day, you can be sure that I’ll be scouring Twitter, sniffing out the very best of my fellow professionals’ musings like I used to sniff out goal-scoring chances, and presenting them for your delectation with the kind of ruthless efficiency that saw me net 23 times in 38 games for my native Guinea. I do so hope that you enjoy this week’s selections…

Disclaimer: The views expressed by the following Twits do not necessarily reflect my own – signed Tweety Camera, formerly of Liverpool and West Ham United

Hello everyone! I hope you’ve all been enjoying the Olympics as much as I have, not least Boris Johnson having a total Mayor yesterday. LOL! Did you see that, former Leeds United and England full-back Tony Dorigo?

Unfortunately I am all too often called away in my capacity as sports minister for my native Guinea, but I’ve been keeping close tabs on it via the dual mediums of television and internet. I’m keeping my fingers crossed that I’ll soon be called away to Holland to give a briefing to their rather lovely ladies’ hockey team.

LOL! Know something I don’t, Sammy? I should be so lucky! You know, I’d forgotten just what a fantastic spectacle the Olympics can be. I’m sure Tottenham Hotspur youngster Harry Kane will back me up on this.

Now now, Harry, I think there’s something to be said for leaving some things to the imagination. I’ve always been lauded or my imaginative streak, unlike Sunderland midfielder Craig Gardner.

Not sure, Craig – depends on where you are and what you fancy doing, I suppose.

Craig, I admire your powerful shots from distance but for crying out loud, man, think for yourself occasionally!

LOL! Just joshing with you, Craig! Anyway, a lot of you have been writing in asking me which heavy metal bands the Premier League’s centre-backs have been listening to lately, so I did a bit of digging and found this…

I love a bit of Slipknot. I went to see them play years back – someone was passing around a jar containing the rotting carcass of a bird, which made its way onto the stage and into the hands of their front man, not to mention my own personal musical hero, Corey Taylor. Anyway, Corey unscrews the lid, takes a deep whiff of the contents and proceeds to vomit all over my head in the front row. I’ve never been so happy in my life, except of course when I scored this famous winner at Highbury.

Any general thoughts on music, Stockport Country defender Euan Holden?

Good question, Euan. Thirty-eight people? I’m not sure. What do you reckon, Cardiff City striker Robert Earnshaw?

Oops, sorry, shan’t disturb you. LOL! Is that irony? I’ve never been too sure about the exact definition, but I keep trying nevertheless – like Boris, I hang in there!

LOLOLOL!!! Me too, Gary!

Me too. You know…

…in my time but that was up there with the funniest.

LOL! There goes Newcastle United youngster Nile Ranger anticipating my wording again. You loveable rogue!

I know, what’s with that? We should get together for a chai soon. Oh, I’m feeling all loved-up now.

Okay, Liverpool youngster Nathan Eccleston, now you’re just taking it too far.




Finally, this week’s most forgiving footballer is Manchester City captain Vincent Kompany…

How’s that for love thy neighbour, eh? Let that be our lesson for this week. Have a great weekend, everybody! And remember – LOLOLOLOLOL!!!!!!!!