Tweety Camera: Ferdinand, Lennon, Parrett, Craddock, Lalas, Ibrahimovic

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Tweety Camera's Twits of the Week: Ferdinand, Lennon, Parrett, Craddock, Lalas, IbrahimovicHello everyone! I’m former Liverpool and West Ham United forward Tweety Camera, and I’m a right nosy so-and-so.

All day every day, you can be sure that I’ll be scouring Twitter, sniffing out the very best of my fellow professionals’ musings like I used to sniff out goal-scoring chances, and presenting them for your delectation with the kind of ruthless efficiency that saw me net 23 times in 38 games for my native Guinea. I do so hope that you enjoy this week’s selections…

Disclaimer: The views expressed by the following Twits do not necessarily reflect my own – signed Tweety Camera, formerly of Liverpool and West Ham United

Hello everyone! What are you all up to?

LOL! Those are non-transferable, Rio! LOL!

Seriously though, you’re not meant to do that. This is just like the time you…er, nevermind.

Where were you going on London Underground, Rio?

Hello?

LOL! Hi, Neil! I once forgot my passport for a UEFA Cup trip during my Liverpool days, it was a nightmare. LOL!

Well actually they sent someone to go and get it and they were able to get everyone on the next flight, so apart from Karl-Heinz Riedle calling me a “dipstick” I think it all worked out okay in the end.

I’ll never forget that flight – I made Frode Kippe laugh so hard that he snorted butter out of his nose. Seriously, butter, I’m not even kidding.

LOL! LOLOLOL!!!

It was actually quite scary at the time.

LOL! Are you doing November? I’m thinking of doing November. Sometimes I look back on my famous winner at Highbury…

…yes, that one…

…and I think that – LOL! – ahem, excuse me – the only thing that could have made it better would be if I’d had a moustache to twiddle mock-deviously, as if I’d both stopped the pigeon and eaten it too.

I don’t really eat pigeons. LOL! Imagine. What do you think about the Sco…

…erm…nevermind. How are your family doing, Bristol City midfielder Jody Morris?

LOL! Kids!

Funnily enough I used to cut my nails with shin pads – I’d pre-warm the nails by the radiator for half an hour or so, then mash them with a shin pad in a manner akin to crushing garlic. This made Michael Carrick throw up one time so Harry Redknapp asked me to stop.

Do you think that’s weird?

You’re right, Josh, that is weirder. Thanks for making me feel better.

Let’s go live to Alexi Lalas!

LOL! You’re mad, Alexi Lalas! Not quite as mad as the dress sense of Spurs starlet Deano Parrett, though, at least if his team mate Andros Townsend’s photographic submission is anything to go by…

LOLOLOL!!! You could get removed from your role as sports minister of your native Guinea for something like that, Deano!

For the record, this was not the reason behind my recent removal. Their reasoning was a bit blurred by the end, but I’m pretty sure it all started when I took a week off to watch all of Breaking Bad so far. They said it was “taking the piss”.

LOL! I can confirm he is, Darren. Look at the screen, I’m pretty sure that’s Walter and Jesse in the meth lab.

Wait a minute, Leicester City midfielder Neil Danns is on the other line…

Ooh…good question, Neil. Give me a choice of two.

Salmon. No, chicken. Definitely chicken. No – salmon! Yes, salmon.

I’m sticking with salmon.

No. Wait.

Chicken!

Salmon! Oh, I don’t know, Neil. Either way, you should go round to Danny Graham’s for dessert…

Now that to me is art, Danny! What kind of art do you like, Gaizka?

That’s a Banksy, I think. I don’t like Banksy, although that’s more to do with my fear of graffiti than any kind of critique of his work. It just always takes me surprise, gives me such a fright before I realise it’s just sprayed on.

There have been occasions where I’ve run, and occasions where I’ve attacked. It’s funny how you do different things at different times. How’s your art going, Jody?

That’s great, Jody! I once painted Vladimír Šmicer in the canteen while I was bored. His hair looked really good that day.

LOL!

LOL!

That’s a good point, Phillipe.

LOLOLOL!!! We’ve all been there!

That’s really funny, Sammy!

That’s gross, Rio! LOL!

I don’t get it.

Wait, I just got the Audley Harrison one – LOL!

Okay, let me read the Ibrahimovic one……….

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LOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!!!!!!!!

Have a great weekend, everyone!

Tune in every Thursday for more from Football Burp’s very own Tweety Camera!

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