Tweety Camera – 13.01.12

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Tweety CameraHello everyone! I’m former Liverpool and West Ham United forward Tweety Camera, and I’m a right nosy so-and-so. All day every day, you can be sure that I’ll be scouring Twitter, sniffing out the very best of my fellow professionals’ musings like I used to sniff out chances, and presenting them for your delectation with the kind of ruthless efficiency that got me 23 goals in 38 games for my native Guinea. I do so hope that you enjoy this week’s selections…

I see former Sheffield Wednesday and Crystal Palace striker Mark Bright has been doing his bit to raise awareness of what fabulous taste in music us football types are blessed with…

Mark Bright loves Rod Stewart

…while he’s also been dabbling with observational comedy…

Mark Bright on Starbucks

We could have the next Michael McIntyre on our hands here, people! But seriously, I have a considerable newfound respect for Mr Bright – he don’t take no sh*t from nobody, or so it would seem…

Mark Bright don't take no sh*t

You egg!! Another commendably no-nonsense type to have caught my eye this week is Watford’s England U21 hotshot Marvin Sordell, who I think spoke on behalf of all right-minded people when he virtually piped up with this…

Marvin Sordell on Celebrity Big Brother

Amen, Marvin. You could certainly teach some of our more high-profile players a thing or two. Not least Manchester United winger Nani…

Marvin Sordell on Nani

Chortle! Nothing like a spot of light-hearted schadenfreude, eh? Former Chelsea and Leeds United midfielder Jody Morris would appear to agree…

Jody Morris on Martin Keown

Now now Jody, it’s easy to criticise. And yet, as Homer Simpson once observed, “Fun, too!” Did Arsenal youngster Emmanuel Frimpong, currently on loan at Wolverhampton Wanderers, really come up with this one himself? I have my doubts…

Emmanuel Frimpong on Jay-Z and Beyonce's baby

Some people say I look like Jay-Z. I’m not so sure myself, but I certainly wouldn’t mind being married to Beyonce! LOL, only joking Mrs Camera! She’ll have my guts for garters over that. Meanwhile, Everton midfielder Diniyar Bilyaletdinov quipped…

Diniyar Bilyaletdinov

LOL!!! Great stuff, Diniyar. I wonder what the Russian hotshot would have to say about controversial Newcastle United youngster Nile Ranger

Nile Ranger

Hardly covered himself in glory there, has he? Unlike myself when I scored the winner in a 1-0 win at Highbury for Gerard Houllier’s Liverpool in 2000. Football was different back then, so it’s good to see that the beautiful game has retained a semblance of character through the likes of former Liverpool winger Ryan Babel…

Ryan Babel

…and Wolverhampton Wanderers forward Steven Fletcher…

Steven Fletcher

A moustache tattooed on your finger? Pull the other one, Steven! But perhaps my favourite football personality of the week is Everton youngster Jon Nolan, who definitely has a future as a stand-up comedian if things don’t work out for him at Goodison Park…

Jon Nolan

Not talking about Nile Ranger, are you Jon? Chortle! Now, young Nolan might be a bit coarse for some people’s tastes…

Jon Nolan coarse

…but he’s just a regular guy, if you ask me…

Jon Nolan Black Swan

Priceless stuff, Jon! Now, I like a laugh as much as the next erstwhile Guinean forward, but I’d like to end on a more serious note by giving the final word to altruistic Blackburn Rovers striker Jason Roberts MBE…

Jason Roberts

In an increasingly fraught football climate, we could all learn something from Jason’s simple but beautiful outlook. Whether you’re on the pitch or off it, smile, enjoy your football, and remember – it IS just a game.

Take care of yourselves, and each other. ‘Til next time, folks!

Tune in every Friday for more from Football Burp’s very own Tweety Camera!

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