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Tweety Camara’s Twits of the Week: Eboue, Owen, Roberts, Wright, Cahill, Hutchison

By Jonny Abrams

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Tweety Camara's Twits of the Week: Eboue, Owen, Roberts, Wright, Cahill, HutchisonHello everyone! I’m former Liverpool and West Ham United forward Tweety Camara, and I’m a right nosy so-and-so.

All day every day, you can be sure that I’ll be scouring Twitter, sniffing out the very best of my fellow professionals’ musings like I used to sniff out goal-scoring chances, and presenting them for your delectation with the kind of ruthless efficiency that saw me net 23 times in 38 games for my native Guinea. I do so hope that you enjoy this week’s selections…

Disclaimer: The views expressed by the following Twits do not necessarily reflect my own – signed Tweety Camara, formerly of Liverpool and West Ham United


Tweety Camera’s Twits of the Week

LOL! Thanks, Robbie! And good morning, everyone else! How do you like to get the day underway?

I love a good Monday morning shower dance myself, Eboue! But I’m more of an ELO/Jamiroquai kind of guy – well, just ELO ever since I slipped in the shower trying to do the dance from the “Virtual Insanity” video. I ruptured two Achilles ligament strings and three metatendons.

For my Tuesday morning showers I click my fingers and croon a medley of Rat Pack-era classics, while on Wednesdays I conduct imaginary press conferences where I’m the national team manager of my native Guinea. I refrain from showering on Thursdays, and then over the weekend I tend to take baths.

In case you were wondering, my favourite ELO song is that one that goes “missed a blue sky”. That really speaks to me.

Warren, I hear someone found a toy of you?

LOL! It looks just like you, Warren! The one they made of me was a disaster. It looked like a fat Jay-Z.

Do you have any stories for me this week, West Ham co-owner David Gold?

That sounds like a neat story, David, but I didn’t catch the first part of it. Where did you bump into Kevin?

Hello?

Hmm, that was funny. What have you found funny lately, former Soccer AM presenter Tim Lovejoy?

LOL! I didn’t think it was funny.

See, it upset Jason! Did it get to you too, my former teammate Michael Owen?

LOL! Was it your…

…hmmm. “Your face?” – that’s what I should have said. We used to have some great banter back in the day, didn’t we Michael.

Hello?

LOLOL!! Take that, Michael! How was the Lionel Richie concert, Carlo?

I was listening to a lot of Commodores around the time of my famous winner at Highbury…

Yes, that one. In fact, “Three Times a Lady” was the principal inspiration behind my run of three goals in three games against Southampton, Bradford City and West Ham in my early Liverpool days. I was like Pele in training around then, just ask Jamie Carragher.

Jamie Carragher perfectly summed up Titi’s up-and-down Reds career: “When he first came, the first three or four months, we all thought what have we got here – Pele? Every time you gave him the ball he was flicking it over someone’s head or scoring some great goals. Unfortunately it went a bit pear shaped for him towards the end.”

See? I attribute my subsequent dip in form to Don Hutchison introducing me to the pancakes at Gyms Kitchen. That really was the beginning of the end. By the time I linked up with Don at West Ham we were going together frequently – lunch, dinner, more and more pancakes.

Would West Ham have escaped the drop had Don and I lain off the pancakes? It’s impossible to say.

LOL! Cut it out, Don!

What have you been up to, 5 Live presenter Mark Chapman?

LOL! I once high-fived Dorian from Birds of a Feather because I thought she was my friend’s mum. She seemed to think I was someone else, too. Someone called Alan. We both played along for at least an hour, even ended up going for dinner with each other. Funnily enough, Swansea City winger Wayne Routledge was the head chef there at the time. He made us the most divine…what was it, Wayne?

Mmmm, that all looks delicious, guys! As for Mark’s ice cream man: LOLOLOLOLOL!!!!!!!!!!

L!

O!

L!

We all did, Jan.

LOL! Cut it out, Don!

LOL! I see you’re an oracle now! LOL!

LOLOLOL!!!

I’ve always thought you and Matt Lucas would hit it off for some reason. Similar sense of humour I think.

I really want to watch my old Shooting Stars videos now. Yes, I still have a VHS player! I know, right?

Have a nice weekend, everyone!

Tune in every Thursday for more from Football Burp’s very own Tweety Camera!