Top 20: Things That Cost the Same as Stewart Downing

Collections » Top 20: Things That Cost the Same as Stewart Downing

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Blackpool Tower, Stewart Downing
Blackpool Tower… Champing at the bit (Image: Shaun Dunmall)

Stewart Downing has managed precisely 0 goals and 0 assists for Liverpool this season, and now he’s only gone and been bleedin’ arrested on suspicion of walloping his ex in a night-club. At least he finally hit the target (Burp lawyers say: big no-no). As such, Football Burp got wondering: what else can twenty million of Her Majesty’s pounds get you these days? And so, we bring you twenty recent examples of Things That Cost the Same as Stewart Downing…(click on the Things in question to read a bit more about them)…

1. The total cuts that need to be made by “cash-strapped” South Tyneside Council in the next financial year. (Good luck with that, by the way.)

2. A hydro power scheme that will allow Scottish water to generate its own electricity by harnessing the power of the country’s water flow, considerable as it no doubt is. 

3. Clearing the Mid Yorkshire Hospitals NHS Trust of debt, according to an independent review by accountants Ernst & Young. 

4. An improvement of facilities for patients needing urgent care at Aintree University Hospital, including twenty-four more beds, a centralised cardiology unit and improved access for ambulances and pedestrians. 

5. The first nine months’ worth of operating costs for troubled video-on-demand service YouView. 

6. Blacks Leisure, the firm which trades as Blacks and Millets.

7. The Big Lottery Fund’s infrastructure programme. 

8. Three years’ worth of repairs and renovations at Blackpool Tower, allowing it to reopen after a year of closure. 

9. A 20,000 sq ft superstore in Teignmouth, South Devon, including parking for 257 cars and a petrol station. 

10. A state-of-the-art velodrome in Derby that would house sports courts, host concerts and feature an Olympic standard 250m cycling track. 

Millets… Could have had this instead (Image: Kenneth Allen)

11. The damage caused per annum by fires at London’s schools, colleges and nurseries. (Maybe lose the Bunsen burners…) 

12. Being Newcastle United’s shirt sponsor for two years. 

13. Improvements leading to more regular and faster trains between East Lancashire and Manchester.

14. Rotherham United’s new ground, which they have seen fit to dub New York Stadium. 

15. Relegation from the Premier League.

16. The total combined surcharges made each year by Lloyds, Barclays, RBS, Santander and the Co-op for buying foreign currency on a credit card. 

17. An initiative aimed at tackling the number of single homeless people in England. (Football Burp humbly suggests speed dating…) 

18. An investment by Carlsberg into a Northampton brewery that will create sixty new jobs.

19. The total grants that will be made available by the Social Action Fund. 

20. Reparations to the Moyle electricity interconnector. 


Do you know of anything else that costs the same as Stewart Downing? Have your say in the comments section below…

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  • Eric Tampon

    The underpaid duty to the EU on the garlic which the UK imported from China in 2005-06, having declared it frozen instead of fresh.

    Or Jermain Defoe.

    Do others wonder which would stink out “Fortress Anfield” more?

    • Football Burp

      That’s not totally fair.

      Garlic is useful for lots of things.

      • Football Burp

        Harry Wallop is a tremendous name though, I must say.

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