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Titi Camara’s Twits of the Week: Aguero, Pienaar, Hamann, Cole, Lineker, Gold

Tweety Camera's Twits of the Week!Hello everyone! I’m former Liverpool and West Ham United forward Tweety Camera, and I’m a right nosy so-and-so.

All day every day, you can be sure that I’ll be scouring Twitter, sniffing out the very best of my fellow professionals’ musings like I used to sniff out goal-scoring chances, and presenting them for your delectation with the kind of ruthless efficiency that saw me net 23 times in 38 games for my native Guinea. I do so hope that you enjoy this week’s selections…

Disclaimer: The views expressed by the following Twits do not necessarily reflect my own – signed Tweety Camera, formerly of Liverpool and West Ham United

Hello everybody! Up to anything nice?

That’s great, Steven! I myself am a great fan of Ghanaian dance. In fact, I used to deploy the odd move to help me shimmy my way past eagle-eyed defenders. Remember my famous winner at Highbury during my Liverpool days? That was basically this…

Every now and then I practice it in the mirror and think, “What if…?”

“You’ll be a dancer, son.” That’s what my old man used to say. Very few other people called me “son” – my mother, of course, and the elder Liverpool and West Ham fans. The young ones all called me, respectively, “lad” and “me ol’ China”. Only the latter then did a jaunty little skip and clicked their heels. At least they didn’t keep asking if they could “mind” my car every five seconds. I wonder what that was all about.

What are you up to, joint-chairman of West Ham United David Gold?

Great place! However, I hear that Soccer AM presenter Max Rushden is holidaying in style…

Dunno. Lou Reed? Any ideas, former Germany midfielder Dietmar Hamann?

Of course, “N.Y. State of Mind”! Good shout, Dietmar. Any ideas how Brendan Rodgers has been settling in as manager of your former club Liverpool?

Hello? Er…how about you, Paul Dalglish?

LOL! That reminds me of the time when…

Oops, sorry Paul – didn’t mean to butt in early and mess up your punchline. How do you see Rodgers faring in the Anfield hot seat?

I once had to execute my vision, but then I was tripping balls on acid at the time. I had hallucinated a half-unicorn half-slug that was trying to eat me, so I imagined up a harpoon and laid that beast to rest.

I know, right?

LOL! Been there, buddy.

Er, the digestive thing, that is. Although I did once manage to consume and subsequently pass a whole Ryvita. That hurt all the way down.

Jermaine PedantJermaine Pedant says… It’s spelt ‘frisbee’, by the way.

LOL! He’s always watching, you know!

Well, it beats passing a Ryvita, that’s for sure. LOL!

The other day someone told me that a sneeze is one tenth of an orgasm. I said, “Come again?” I’m not much of a comedian.



Oh Gary, your crisps make me so fat!





Not having that on here, Wayne. You may think me a prude but please take your smut elsewhere. Everyone’s just trying to have a nice clean LOL! here.

LOLOLOLOLOL!!!!! See you soon, guys!