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The Weekend in Tweets: Ba, Ferdinand, Neville, Sterling, Huth, Bendtner and many more!

By Jonny Abrams

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Everton captain Phil Neville
Neville… Raining, pouring (Img: The Bohs)

Does exactly what it says on the, er, headline…here’s the weekend that just was, as summarised for you by professional footballers and their incessant tweeting!

Piss-Take of the Weekend…

Phil Neville, Everton

Salt-Rubbed Wound of the Weekend…

Phil Neville, Everton

Lack of Sympathy of the Weekend…

Joleon Lescott, Manchester City

Inference of Untruthfulness on Someone Else’s Part of the Weekend…

Demba Ba, Newcastle United

Botched Attempt at Spelling a Foreign Player’s Name of the Weekend…

Rodney Marsh, ex-Manchester City, Queens Park Rangers and Fulham

Social Media Triumph of the Weekend…

Rio Ferdinand, Manchester United and Robbie Savage, ex-Leicester City, Birmingham City, Blackburn Rovers, Crewe Alexandra and Derby County

Social Media Failure of the Weekend…

Some chump or other

Semi-Coherent Babble of the Weekend…

Raheem Sterling, Liverpool

Player Most in Need of a Thesaurus of the Weekend…

Ryan Bennett, Norwich City

Gripe of the Weekend…

Robert Huth, Stoke City

Simple Answer to Gripe of the Weekend of the Weekend…

Opta Joe

Incongruous Invocation of Cult American New Wave Band of the Weekend…

Sean Morrison, Reading

Mass Compliment of the Weekend…

David Meyler, Sunderland

Player-on-Supporter Smackdown of the Weekend…

Darren Huckerby, ex-Norwich City

Player-on-Supporter Smackdown of the Weekend II…

Darron Gibson, Everton

“Stop Watching the News, Then” of the Weekend…

Reece Wabara, Manchester City

Least Amusing Parody Account of the Weekend…

Bad Balotelli

Bitch of the Weekend…

Steven Reid, West Bromwich Albion

Unpleasant Imagery/Borderline Homophobia of the Weekend…

Bryan Gunn, ex-Norwich City

Rampant Euphemism Deployment of the Weekend…

Graham Stack, Barnet

Fan-on-Player Smackdown of the Weekend…

Tony Manock

Existentialist of the Weekend…

Nicklas Bendtner, Juventus

Robbie Savage Diss of the Weekend…

Steve Sidwell, Fulham

Bizarro Maths of the Weekend…

Steven McGarry, Perth Glory

Dutch-Winger-Based Rhyming Slang of the Weekend…

Steve Froggatt, ex-Aston Villa, Wolverhampton Wanderers and Coventry City

Lad of the Weekend…

Julian Dicks, ex-West Ham United

Football Manager Legend/Burger Combo of the Weekend…

Lionel Morgan, ex-Wimbledon

Hash-Tag-Getting-Slightly-Carried-Away-With of the Weekend…

Wally Downes, ex-Wimbledon

Fiction Non-Recognition of the Weekend…

Gabriele Marcotti, The Times

That was the weekend that just was – see you next time, everyone!