Neil Warnock’s Comedy Corner

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Neil Warnock's Comedy Corner

Anyone see last night’s Panorama? Some right nasty scenes on that and no mistake, all very worrying. Sol Campbell advised fans not to go lest they “end up coming back in a coffin”, but I thought that was a little bit harsh…

…I mean, easyJet’s not THAT bad!

Thank you, you’re too kind. Now, one Englishman who won’t be making the trip is Gareth Barry, the Manchester City midfielder having been ruled out of Euro 2012 with a stomach problem.

It’s not his stomach that’s the problem, though – it was…wait, I need a fat England player to finish this joke…er…

Okay, okay, let’s move on. Apparently the Serie A is yet again being dogged by match-fixing allegations, with the captain of Lazio and manager of Juventus among those to have been arrested so far. A lot of people have come up to me on the street and said, “Hey, Neil, you’re a good football man – would you do what Bari defender Andrea Masiello would appear to have done, by which I mean sticking the ball in your own net and pretending to be mortified by it in exchange for hundreds of thousands of Euros?”

To which I always reply that I never needed a financial incentive to score an own goal! Am I right, lads?

Hmmm. I thought you liked self-deprecating humour. Well, how about this one – so, Eden Hazard has announced via Twitter that he is set to join Chelsea.

Well, his dad Micky graced Stamford Bridge in the ’80s, so…er…

Erm…I’ll be honest, I wrote all the punchlines down on pieces of card but in my rush to entertain you all I left them in my car. Let me think…I had a cracker about me turning down the Liverpool job because I refused to believe there was a job in Liverpool, but I’d set it up more flair than that. Hang on, hang on – Rooney’s quite fat, isn’t he? No? What about Lampard?

Neil Warnock's Comedy Corner
Img: Wikimania2009

Wait, don’t go! So I see Titus Bramble’s in a spot of both…oh, forget it, show’s over.

Thank you, thank you!

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