Neil Warnock’s Comedy Corner: Foster, Ameobi, Gardner, Barton, Babel

By Jonny Abrams

· · · · · · · ·

Neil Warnock“Ladies and gentlemen, please give it up for a man who needs no introduction – unless you haven’t heard of him, in which case he’s an old-school stand-up comedian who manages Leeds United in his spare time – it’s…

…Neil Warnock, and his Comedy Corner!”

Nyuk nyuk nyuk! Has everyone washed behind their ears? I know I haven’t!

Okay, ladies and gents, settle down. Have we got a show for you this week – we’ve got players challenging each other to perform great feats of urination…

…a former Liverpool forward being a condescending wonka…

…even a player being nicknamed after an obscure north-eastern tribute band…

‘Ere, Sam lad – is there a Middlesbrough Mastodon, a Darlington Deftones and a Northumberland Nine Inch Nails?

Nyuk nyuk nyuk! I see John O’Shea was totally had off by some young ‘un before the game…

“Awwww”? He’s a right rascal! Not unlike young Sammy Ameobi, playing paparazzi at inopportune moments…

…or this young troublemaker from West Bromwich Albion…

‘Ere, George lad – was it Kevin Keen or Keith Downing, and what did they have to say about it?

Thank you, folks. In the words of Khalid Boulahrouz…

Of course, a Blessed day for me is one where I grow a beard and speak in a big, booming voice!

Are you saying ‘boo’ or ‘Boulahrouz’?

Oh, right then. Why boo?

Offensive, you say? To who – Khalid Boulahrouz or Brian Blessed?

Eh, come on lads – there’s no need for abuse, we’re just having a laugh. What’s still fair game for you lot? Can I still make jokes about players’ ability?

So ‘free transfer’, then?

Yer’ve all gone soft! When did everyone go soft? What do you think, Joey lad?

Now there speaks a man after my own heart.

He can’t have it, though, even if it did hand in a transfer request after last night’s fish supper!

Nyuk nyuk nyuk! Back in the game, folks!

Wait a minute, I spy what’s going on here – it’s okay to make fun of yourself, but not anyone else. Is that right?

Er…in any case, most of us are oppressed one way or another – take it from this former Swansea City defender…

‘Ere, Izzy lad – that’s called a marriage, that is!

Nyuk nyuk nyuk! Good night, folks!

Tune in every Tuesday for more Neil Warnock’s Comedy Corner!