Neil Warnock’s Comedy Corner: Fabregas, Sterling, Santos, Routledge, O’Hara, McArthur

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Neil Warnock“Ladies and gentlemen, please give it up for a man who needs no introduction – unless you haven’t heard of him, in which case he’s an old-school stand-up comedian who manages Leeds United in his spare time – it’s…

…Neil Warnock, with his Comedy Corner!”

Nyuk nyuk nyuk! Has everyone washed behind their ears? I know I haven’t!

Okay, ladies and gents, settle down. We’ve got a right old show lined up for you this week – footballers making light of their own dangerous driving…

…players tweeting live from their own 0-0 draws with Stoke City

…even players studying their own bell-ends…

…but first up we’ve got Swansea City winger Wayne Routledge, and a degree of hospitality you just don’t get from players at bigger clubs…

‘Ere, Wayne lad – how long does it take to make breakfast for three hundred people?

Nyuk nyuk nyuk! Wonder what the missus has to say about it all – or indeed what Jamie O’Hara’s better half had to say about this…

That’s nothing, Jamie lad – you should see my wife’s tache!

Thank you, thank you. Now, who fancies their chances of copping off with an insolent Asian later?

‘Ere, Nile lad – there’s naan finer than Indian lasses!

Er…why don’t you tikka to the pictures?

Nyuk nyuk nyuk! I see what’s going on here, folks – you think I’m being racialist. It’s just a bit of banter, that’s what us old school comedian types are like.

No, Henri lad – I knock off at half five. Maybe former Norwich City forward Darren Huckerby can help you – what are you up to, Darren?

El what?

Eh?

You what, lad?

Uh?

Hmmm?

El what now?

Oooohhh, you mean Barcelona v Real Madrid. I thought youse were talking about the taco mix they sell in our local Asda!

Er…would any Wigan Athletic midfielders like to say something at this juncture?

‘Ere, James lad – does the site say “play football on telly, drive like a loony and force yourself on some lass”?

Nyuk nyuk nyuk! Back in the game! Here are two footballers who certainly got noticed, by talkSPORT’s Ian Abrahams no less…

‘Ere, Ian lad – which one’s you?

Thank you, folks, too kind. Now it’s that time of week again – it’s time to play…

“WHEEEEEEERRRRRE’S CESC FABREGAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSS?”

‘Ere, Cesc – who’s taking the picture, then?

Nyuk nyuk nyuk! You’ve been great, folks, but I best get back to my Leeds United squad. I leave you with this week’s most traumatised Sunderland starlet…

…this week’s most insensitive relationship breakup…

…and this week’s least informative TV review…

Nyuk nyuk nyuk! See you next week, folks!

Er, yeah.

Tune in every Tuesday for more Neil Warnock’s Comedy Corner!

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