Jonny Forumer: Bolton 1-2 Wigan

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Jonny Forumer: Bolton Wanderers 1-2 Wigan Athletic

Bolton Wanderers

Having lost at home to the league’s bottom side, not to mention rivals of both the local and relegation varieties, The Wanderer was understandably not a happy place this morning. Even bobo the clown was on Owen Coyle’s case, stepping out of his exploding comedy car to say: “From the moment I saw the team it was always going to happen. How it is that everyone, every single other person, can see that with the players available 4-5-1 works and 4-4-2 does not…that SKD [Super Kevin Davies], God bless him, is shot … that Mark Davies will only be the player he can be when given a free role & that requires Muamba on the pitch with him.

“Coyle hasn’t done that accidentally, it was a decision…cocking a snook at the fans, at Muamba, at the club. He should own up to his error and if he can’t then he should f**k off. That being unlikely then he should be shown the door. Now, not at the end of the season. This evening…by text.”

The more prosaically named Peter Thompson was every bit as scathing in his assessment: “Why why why recall carthorse (we may as well play with 10 men) Davies & go back to 4-4-2, when it’s exactly that that got us into this mess in the 1st place – no foundation or reason for it at all. He had stumbled upon a 4-5-1 formation that suited the players we have, and got us results which instilled confidence and belief in the team, and also gave the fans hope that we could stay up – there was just no need to change it at Norwich and absolutely no grounds to change things today. I wonder who he’ll blame for that spineless, pathetic performance…it won’t be his fault!

“That may be it for me – I can’t watch shite like that again – seriously pissed off tonight with Coyle’s pathetic ‘stubborn’ Sunday league tactics and inability to change things during a game, and I have to say the so-called spineless, soft, can’t-be-arsed players are as bad…they can all f**k off for me. Do us all a favour Coyle go and manage the Scotland ping pong team, because you’re certainly not fit to manage a professional football team.”

Intrigued by their matching views and mutual proclivity for ellipses, bobo the clown and Peter Thompson skipped off to have lunch together, over which they exchanged golfing tips and BFF bracelets. This paved the way for irie Cee Bee to beckon everyone towards him and calmly say:

“A couple of issues that Coyle needs to sort out in his head – 1) He is too loyal. He probably told KD that he still has a role to play so he should stay. He did despite Sunderland’s strong interest. So he had to be rewarded for staying. No better time than against the bottom club at the expense of Moo [Muamba] who apparently is not one of his favourites. Time to put team ahead of loyalty Coyle.

2) He needs to understand that you cannot play 4-4-2 without a good link up second striker, a lung-busting box-to-box midfielder and creative wingers. We do not have an Elmander, a Holden or a Lee Chung-Yong at the moment, so scrap it.

3) In a relegation battle, forget the pretty, pitty patty football. We dont have the players available at the moment to play that way. It’s now about scrapping and not getting beat! Make it difficult for the opponent. Moo is no world class player, but he has steel, and during this battle, we need that. He knows how to tackle.

“I still believe we can survive. Hopefully this defeat will knock some sense into his tough head.”

***

I then hotfooted it over to Wanderers Way, where the mood was no more forgiving. At least Blixa tried to apply some perspective to the whole sorry mess: “We’re fucked this season because arguably our two best players got injured long term and our best defender had to be sold to get any money in at all. As a side issue, we’re trying to rebuild a squad that’s past its sell by date, many of whom are on the kind of money we can’t afford. Some players who were winging it have been found out badly too.

“Coyle’s tactics haven’t helped. Saturday was shocking. But we’ve still got a squad capable of keeping us up. It’s down to Coyle to get his head screwed on right – and if Sammy Lee has come in, maybe he can knock some sense into him on that front.”

He then quipped: “Surprised to see flares in the Wigan end too. Mind you, I hear they’re still in fashion there.”

HR scratched his head, took a hearty puff on his pipe and proffered: “The Coyle situation confuses me no end. His methods are based around player motivation, teamwork and playing the game with a smile on their faces. What I see on the pitch is the exact opposite – being tactically inept, the players look disjointed and glum and lack leadership. In short, they don’t look like a team or play like a team.

“The first 10 minutes yesterday we were all over Wigan like a rash, Mavies [Mark Davies] had 2 or 3 runs, Petrov got behind a couple of times. Eagles was completely static, Wigan were going past him with ease as he made no attempt whatsoever to put any kind of effort into the game, I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. The Wigan players were encouraged by our team’s lack of effort and got more and more into the game. We must be the easiest ground in the Premier League to come and play at, the least intimidating and softest centre.

“Our defence looked farcical, when Howard Webb outpaced Knight and Wheater during a Wigan break I laughed at just how sh*t they are.”

Still, Traf managed to retain sufficient mirth to respond to respond to Coyle’s statement that he and his side had “shot ourselves in the foot” with a deadpan “How many attempts did it take?”

What do you think, Bolton fans? And do you know of any other Wanderers boards that Jonny Forumer should pay a visit to? Have your say in the comments section below…

James McArthur played well for Wigan Athletic against Bolton Wanderers
McArthur... In his Hamilton days (Image by: Alasdair Middleton)

Wigan Athletic

Unsurprisingly, the denizens of Cockney Latic were pleased to see their side close the gap on those above them with another creditable away win. jrfatfan was rather taken with the performances of James McCarthy and James McArthur: “The two Maccas were and will be our saviours this season. Wanting to fight for our cause is something we as Wiganers strive for and want. That was there in abundance today.”

griff even went as far as to say: “Add Diame in there in place of Gomez and we will have a very decent midfield. Just not sure which of our blank-firing strikers we should put up front. Don’t suppose it really matters as none of them can hit a cow’s arse with the proverbial. Seeing as none of them play the hold-up role very well either, I’d be tempted to play Rodallega. Seems to have marginally more of a goal threat in him than the other two.”

Picking up on the question of who to play up front, bob16 spent a few minutes scratching his beard and scribbling equations on the back of a fag packet, before piping up with: “After yesterday’s performance it has to be Franco. When McArthur scored, Hugo was just stood arms held wide asking why he didn’t get the pass, when in fact he should have been celebrating a Wigan goal. Arrogant or what?”

area51 went more in-depth with the airing of his displeasure with Rodallega: “I’ve wondered for a few weeks about this player. The fact that he knows he’s leaving at the end of the season. It must be hard for him to be motivated or to create any sense of loyalty to Wigan as we appear to be preparing for relegation (in his eyes).

“Leading up to the second goal yesterday he showed signs that actually he doesn’t really give two shits about our club but more importantly his own team and players. At the point Moses took the shot, Hugo was pointing at the ground, to where he wanted the ball playing to him. The rebound was taken and executed by (an energetic) McArthur.

“While the players raced after the goal scorer to celebrate. Hugo remained in his position simply pointing at the ground where he felt the ball should have gone. No instinct to think, ‘Get the f**k in, we’ve scored I’m going to go and jump on James and give him a kiss’. Just no response at all to a goal that now has given us platform the put together a decent run.

“After the time he’s been with us it’s disappointing that Hugo is just willing to drift off with no sense of pride. Controversial maybe, but Hugo’s performances over the last two seasons are the catalyst to us just being a goal-shy out-fit. He turns it on when against big clubs and for TV. We have had real class at this club – namely Valencia, N’Zogbia, Baines and De Zeeuw whilst in Premier League – but Hugo for me just doesn’t fit the bill. We should have let him go.

“Positives : the next half a dozen games now are all winnable.”

***

Over on This Northern Soul, The_Pon was extolling McArthur’s virtues to anyone who’d listen: “A player who’s had limited pitch time this season, but again, has always given his all when called upon. OK, he’s no David Silva, but he does have a bit of quality, and his goal today was very good. Not a screamer, but he showed great positional sense to be where the ball may have, and did, end up for his goal.

“I hope we see a lot more of him for the rest of the season; he’s got the fire in his belly that we have lacked so far this season, and with a run in the starting XI could get some match sharpness and really shine for us. He’s had a lot of patience and never lost his enthusiasm, so Auld Jim gets my unsung hero vote.”

Taking time out from creating abominable faux hip-hop, Nelly submitted: “Di Santo was exceptional yesterday, as were Caldwell, McArthur and Moses. In fact, nobody had a bad game. Boyce got knackered at the end and should’ve been replaced by Stam – that Ryo lad was tearing him a new one and it almost cost us a goal – and Alcaraz is still crap.

“Think the three of Caldwell, McArthur and Di Santo need to keep it up. A hardworking spine of a team with Gomez and Moses creating around them.”

I then took my leave before his jukebox selections kicked in.

What do you think, Wigan fans? And do you know of any other Latics boards that Jonny Forumer should pay a visit to? Have your say in the comments section below…

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