Jermaine Pedant’s School of Grammar: Gyan, Walker, Meyler, McArthur, Huckerby, Dyer

Jermaine Pedant

Collections » Jermaine Pedant’s School of Grammar: Gyan, Walker, Meyler, McArthur, Huckerby, Dyer

  • Share to Twitter
  • Share to Facebook
  • Share to Google+
  • Share to Google+
  • Share to WhatsApp

Jermaine PedantFootball Burp‘s very own Jermaine Pedant enjoys nothing more than strolling back and forth in his professor’s gown, casting scholarly gazes over his fellow professionals’ online scribblings.

Each week, he homes in on a few choice instances of common grammatical failings and raps on them repeatedly with his disciplinary cane until we’ve all jolly well learnt to treat the Queen and her English with the utmost respect. Read on for this week’s lessons…

Asamoah Gyan

The Ghana forward was reflecting on his side’s inability to hold onto a 2-0 lead against DR Congo in the Africa Cup of Nations…

Jermaine PedantJermaine Pedant says… Well said, Asamoah, but in the spirit of correcting mistakes I ought to take a firm stance on your decision to divide the above missive into two separate sentences when it really needn’t have been.

This is a fine line in nitpicking, I grant you, but as a big fish in the UAE pond you are sufficiently remunerated to be privy to the very finest tutelage that academia has to offer. Iron out those flaws, Asamoah!

James McArthur

The Wigan Athletic midfielder was asking for movie suggestions…

Jermaine PedantJermaine Pedant says… I have a film for you, James: it’s called How Not to Spell the Word ‘Seen’, starring James McArthur.

Remember: it’s not sarcasm if its intention is to educate.

David Meyler

The Sunderland midfielder was recommending Stan Collymore’s piece about a Manchester City starlet who fell by the wayside…

Jermaine PedantJermaine Pedant says… First off, its (sic) in this instance is a contraction of ‘it is’ and therefore should contain an apostrophe. Deploying it without such punctuation renders it the possessive, which would make little sense here, I’m sure you’ll agree.

Furthermore, as a publication, the Mirror constitutes a pronoun and therefore must be capitalised so as to differentiate it from its looking glass namesake.

That is of course unless you were indeed referring to an actual mirror, perhaps as a melancholic metaphor for your own fears of not fulfilling your rich potential. If that is the case then I would at once offer my apologies and encourage you to work on cultivating a more positive mindset.

Jason Brown

The Aberdeen goalkeeper was also moved by Johnson’s plight…

Jermaine PedantJermaine Pedant says… See me.

Kyle Walker

The Tottenham Hotspur right-back was spying on a fellow motorist…

Jermaine PedantJermaine Pedant says… This is indeed amusing, young Kyle, but I should extract yet greater mirth by replaying the incident from the perspective of your counterpart, happily singing away in his car before looking right to see he was being observed by England international footballer Kyle Walker. Chortle!

More to the point, please read up on the differences between there, their and they’re.

Darren Huckerby

The former Norwich City and Coventry City forward was commending a Barcelona legend on his choice of new employer…

Jermaine PedantJermaine Pedant says… As a professional footballer it is only natural that one should deal in the concept of morale more so than the moral, but now you’ve hung up your boots this distinction takes on a greater importance.

Do the right thing, Darren: consult a dictionary.

Matt Fry

The former Charlton Athletic defender was condemning a celebrity…

Jermaine PedantJermaine Pedant says… I’ve been tying my mind in knots trying to conjure up a fitting punchline for this tremendously apt spelling error, but suffice it to say comedy does not come as naturally to me as dazzling wing play or the intricacies of our mother tongue.

Perhaps, as a published author, Katie could set you straight herself.

Bruce Dyer

The former Barnsley, Watford and Crystal Palace forward was struck by the fervour with which Gary Neville was criticising Manchester United goalkeeper David de Gea for his role in Spurs’ last-gasp equaliser…

Jermaine PedantJermaine Pedant says… Vexed. Should have.

See me.

Star Pupil: Graham Gartland

The Shamrock Rovers defender was also commenting on the Red Devils’ draw at Tottenham…

Jermaine PedantJermaine Pedant says… Excellent use of ‘disingenuous’, Graham! Your English football counterparts could certainly learn a thing or two from your apparent willingness to engage with top drawer vocabulary.

Now I must take my leave, for I have much hard graft ahead of me if I am to reassert my first team credentials at the Britannia Stadium. Class dismissed!

Tune in every Wednesday for more from Football Burp’s very own Jermaine Pedant!

Share this article

  • Share to Twitter
  • Share to Facebook
  • Share to Google+
  • Share to Google+
  • Share to WhatsApp

Latest 25