Jermaine Pedant: Barkley, Ramage, Dunk, Hazell, Herd

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Jermaine Pedant: Hazard, Barton, Morris, Huckerby, BlackstockFootball Burp’s very own Jermaine Pedant enjoys nothing more than strolling back and forth in his professor’s gown, casting scholarly gazes over his fellow professionals’ online scribblings.

Each week, he homes in on a few choice instances of common grammatical failings and raps on them repeatedly with his disciplinary cane until we’ve all jolly well learnt to treat the Queen and her English with the utmost respect. Read on for this week’s lessons…

Ross Barkley

The young Everton midfielder shared his motto for success…

Jermaine PedantJermaine Pedant says… Nice sentiment, young Ross – I used to motivate myself similarly when I was a bright young thing acquainting myself with every grammatical nook and cranny of our mother tongue. Suffice it to say, I’m in a position to inform you that splitting this slogan into three separate sentences was about as necessary as England even bothering to turn up for a penalty shoot-out.

Chortle! Education and topical humour: what else could you want from a Wednesday morning? In all seriousness, though: “Good, better, best: never let it rest, until your good is better and your better is best” would have sufficed.

Peter Ramage

The former Newcastle United and Queens Park Rangers defender, currently a free agent, was snuggled up in front of one of Will Ferrell’s many classic films…

Jermaine PedantJermaine Pedant says… I must confess to never actually having seen said film, one of many classic examples of Vince Vaughn’s work I am told, but it amuses me that it should be titled Old School as, judging by the erroneous use of ‘your’ in the initial quote, that is exactly where you should be headed.

Once you have done so and thusly relearned all you need to know about basic homonyms, you may come and thank me, and I shall say, “You’re welcome, Peter Ramage.”

Lewis Dunk

The Brighton and Hove Albion defender had been a busy bee…

Jermaine PedantJermaine Pedant says… Actually, the longest day of 2012 was in fact a week ago today, however much this appeared to pass by unnoticed. I guess Summer Solstice is of lessened collective significance now it’s becoming abundantly clear that June is morphing into our very own monsoon season.

Yes, I realise that this was not a grammatically charged entry, but it was a matter of pedantry nevertheless.

Reuben Hazell

The Shrewsbury Town defender had a strange suggestion…

Jermaine PedantJermaine Pedant says… You can’t lose weight with ellipses, Reuben. Chortle!

Just kidding, Reuben – tell your spammer to brush up on their consistency with regards correct apostrophe deployment.

Chris Herd

Aston Villa’s versatile Australian was having problems with his account…

Jermaine PedantJermaine Pedant says… Summing wrong (sic) with your English, Chris. Chortle! I’m on fire today!

Right, I’m off to use my scintillating wit on the world at large. First stop: Jessops. Class dismissed!

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