Football Burp’s very own Jermaine Pedant enjoys nothing more than strolling back and forth in his professor’s gown, casting scholarly gazes over his fellow professionals’ online scribblings.
Each week, he homes in on a few choice instances of common grammatical failings and raps on them repeatedly with his disciplinary cane until we’ve all jolly well learnt to treat the Queen and her English with the utmost respect. Read on for this week’s lessons…
I’m speaking fromMy own experiences !
— Robbie Savage (@RobbieSavage8) July 25, 2012
Jermaine Pedant says… Speaking from my experience, Robbie, you’re not God. As such, there is no need to capitalise ‘my’ in this instance.
Good nyt tweeps God is Great
— Steven Pienaar (@therealstevenpi) July 25, 2012
Jermaine Pedant says… He most certainly is – unless of course He does in fact happen to be Robbie Savage – but assuming He isn’t He surely wouldn’t approve of spelling like that. Ten Hail Marys should absolve you from this one.
The Wolverhampton Wanderers midfielder was speculating as to the prospects of there being a sequel to a recently released Hollywood blockbuster…
Don’t care what people say guarantee they’ll be another batman, u can’t bring in cat women and robin then just end, come on peeps
— Jamie o’hara (@mrjamieohara) July 25, 2012
Jermaine Pedant says… “They’ll be another Batman” is quite a different prediction altogether from “there’ll be another Batman“: are you claiming that each of the naysayers will become Batman? Furthermore, there is only one Catwoman. Please spend more time reading up on points of grammar and less time doping yourself with big-budget action films.
The Stoke City forward was tweeting from across the pond…
In the sunshine state Florida nice quiet hotel first day off tomorrow well deserved!!#couldbeadaytriptoomiamibeach
— cameron jerome (@camjerome10) July 25, 2012
Jermaine Pedant says… More a stylistic point of pedantry here: if you’re going to jettison punctuation almost altogether, why not just go the whole hog and hashtag the whole lot? Especially since the hashtag you actually did compose comprises of at least one whole sentence as it is. Knock on my door later and we’ll chat about it, team mate!
Just seen the local news North east tonight …a lady who’s house was flooded has been told she cannot get her insurance …. RSA pay up !!!
— Ian Botham (@BeefyBotham) July 25, 2012
Jermaine Pedant says… That should be whose. Otherwise, yes, I am in accordance with your conviction that the RSA should help her out. Just try to use correct constructs when seeking out truth and justice in the future.
Right, I’m off to discuss ideas for new tweeting arrangements with Cameron Jerome. Class dismissed!