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Jermaine Pedant: Hutchison, van Aanholt, Reid, Davis, Assombalonga

By Jonny Abrams

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Jermaine Pedant

Jermaine PedantFootball Burp‘s very own Jermaine Pedant enjoys nothing more than strolling back and forth in his professor’s gown, casting scholarly gazes over his fellow professionals’ online scribblings.

Each week, he homes in on a few choice instances of common grammatical failings and raps on them repeatedly with his disciplinary cane until we’ve all jolly well learnt to treat the Queen and her English with the utmost respect. Read on for this week’s lessons…

Peter Reid

The former Manchester City and Sunderland manager was in awe of Jose Mourinho’s side…

Jermaine PedantJermaine Pedant says… Is it too much to ask that you learn the difference between an adverb and a preposition? Homonyms at that, by Jove!

Presumably you were referring to Real Madrid being too good, an idea which itself would require some bizarre yet clearly defined parameters. However, I remain open to the notion that you were merely name-checking some forgotten ’90s pop combo.

Don Hutchison

The former Scotland midfielder was watching a television show based on the 2012 Tour de France winner…

Jermaine PedantJermaine Pedant says… Your use of ‘program’ rather than ‘programme’ is a cause for debate: while the latter is correct in the Queen’s English, the former is generally used by our American chums. Since you were watching Sky Atlantic I shall grudgingly permit this, but there nuts is certainly not slipping through the net.

Write out one hundred times: His team mates worked their nuts off.

Britt Assombalonga

The in-form Southend United winger, on loan from Watford, had some words of inspiration…

Jermaine PedantJermaine Pedant says… Technically that’s untrue.

Patrick van Aanholt

The Vitesse left-back, on loan from Chelsea, was admiring the professional talents of a Spanish footballer…

Jermaine PedantJermaine Pedant says… What a mess that is.

David Davis

The Wolverhampton Wanderers midfielder was getting ready for the next match…

Jermaine PedantJermaine Pedant says… Your preparation may best be started by reading this sentence over again.

Now I must take my leave, for the pursuit of regular first team football at Molineux – much like the pursuit of knowledge – is a demanding mistress.

Class dismissed!