Jermaine Pedant: Ferdinand, Cahill, Lineker, Knight, Akpom, Wabara, Wainwright

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Jermaine Pedant: Ferdinand, Cahill, Lineker, Knight, Piazon, Akpom, Wabara, WainwrightFootball Burp’s very own Jermaine Pedant enjoys nothing more than strolling back and forth in his professor’s gown, casting scholarly gazes over his fellow professionals’ online scribblings.

Each week, he homes in on a few choice instances of common grammatical failings and raps on them repeatedly with his disciplinary cane until we’ve all jolly well learnt to treat the Queen and her English with the utmost respect. Read on for this week’s lessons…

Rio Ferdinand

The Manchester United defender wished St. Johnstone midfielder Jody Morris well on his way to Munich to watch his former club Chelsea in the Champions League final…

Jermaine Pedant

Jermaine Pedant says…

Is the temple made out of bodies, Rio? If not then what you should have written is “body’s a temple”, or even “bodies are temples”. You should capitalise on your time off this summer by reading up on the different possessive forms of singular and plural nouns.

Leon Knight

The controversial Glentoran striker appeared to be defending some of his more ‘outspoken’ recent comments

Jermaine Pedant

Jermaine Pedant says…

While you are correct in your assertion that beliefs can differ from person to person, some things are not simply a matter of opinion. Suffice it to say, the form of an indefinite article is one of these things, so that should be “an opinion”.

On an interesting side note, you could just as well have written “politics gets in the way” as “politics get in the way”, as reference to politics in terms of a general concept would render it a singular. So cheered am I by this linguistic quirk that I shall choose to overlook the suspect punctuation of “I’m a man first I live and I’ll die”.

Tim Cahill

The Everton and Australia star was congratulating the winners of Everton’s various end of season awards…

Jermaine Pedant

Jermaine Pedant says…

They’re there to do their best, Timothy!

Chuba Akpom

The Arsenal youngster stopped to contemplate the passing of time…

Jermaine Pedant

Jermaine Pedant says…

Time flies. End of.

Reece Wabara

The young Manchester City defender was bragging about his proactive streak…

Jermaine Pedant

Jermaine Pedant says…

Have you tried praying for correctly conjugated verbs? I’m tempted to roll out the prayer mat myself having read that. Chortle! I do tickle myself on occasion, I really do.

Gary Lineker

The Match of the Day presenter was indulging in a spot of banter with his son George…

Jermaine Pedant

Jermaine Pedant says…

While you are notionally correct to insert an apostrophe into a possessive, grammatical persons do not follow this simple rule. To wit: mine, yours, his/hers/its, our, their. Interestingly, the brand name Walkers is stylised without an apostrophe despite taking its name from one Henry Walker. I can only assume that he ran it as a family business and as such saw fit to recognise the input of more than one Walker.

Neil Wainwright

The Darlington midfielder made public his disenchantment with modern youth…

Jermaine Pedant

Jermaine Pedant says…

I despair of your approach to declaring your despair of young people, Neil.

Finally, I’d like to apologise for my absence of last week – you may have seen in the news that I’ve been a touch preoccupied of late, not to mention unable to get about by car. I’m now the fully paid-up owner of a bus pass and I look forward to educating you all over the summer. Class dismissed!

Tune in every Wednesday for more from Football Burp’s very own Jermaine Pedant!

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