Jermaine Pedant: Enrique, Bennett, van Aanholt, McBride, McKenzie, Marsh

Jermaine Pedant

Collections » Jermaine Pedant: Enrique, Bennett, van Aanholt, McBride, McKenzie, Marsh

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Jermaine PedantFootball Burp‘s very own Jermaine Pedant enjoys nothing more than strolling back and forth in his professor’s gown, casting scholarly gazes over his fellow professionals’ online scribblings.

Each week, he homes in on a few choice instances of common grammatical failings and raps on them repeatedly with his disciplinary cane until we’ve all jolly well learnt to treat the Queen and her English with the utmost respect. Read on for this week’s lessons…

Jose Enrique

The Liverpool left-back is a daddy…

Jermaine PedantJermaine Pedant says… My most heartfelt congratulations, Jose! However, it would be remiss of me not to point out that your being in the way of the hospital should not do anyone any good whatsoever. Were you on your way to the hospital, you would be not only less prohibitive to those seeking urgent medical attention, but also better placed to carry out your specified task of infant shuttling.

A minor detail, I grant you, but the truest pedant does not distinguish by degrees.

Rodney Marsh

The former Manchester City, Fulham and Queens Park Rangers forward couldn’t be bothered to check the name of a Reading striker…

Jermaine PedantJermaine Pedant says… …whereas you, Rodney, are going to have to be introduced to the notion of respect for your fellow professionals by dint of correct appellation.

Pro bono, you might say. Chortle!

I am frankly startled that, in all your years both within and as an observer of the game, you have failed to glean that one does not include the goalkeeper when providing numerical indication of a team’s formation. That should have been 9-1-0, or 9-0-1, depending on how far up the pitch the Royals chose to deploy their sole outlet.

Ryan Bennett

The Norwich City defender chose to remain upbeat after the Canaries’ unbeaten run came to an end at West Bromwich Albion

Jermaine PedantJermaine Pedant says… Though your repetition of ‘unbelievable’ is cause enough for consternation, I am more concerned by your inability – or worse, reluctance – to deploy the latter one as a correctly formed adverb.

See me.

Patrick van Aanholt

The Vitesse left-back, on loan from Chelsea, was going on holiday…

Jermaine PedantJermaine Pedant says… The word ‘the’ is not an acronym, Patrick. You may of course have been using capitals as a form of emphasis, but doing so as a precursor to ‘sun’ activates the potential implication that you are headed to another solar system.

Are you headed to another solar system? No, I thought not.

Leon McKenzie

The Corby Town forward was tossing and turning…

Jermaine PedantJermaine Pedant says… …or too little, as the case may be here.

Reece Wabara

The Manchester City youngster fancied a trip to the cinema…

Jermaine PedantJermaine Pedant says… Life of what?

Hmm?

Brian McBride

The former Everton and Fulham centre-forward was coming over all Christmassy…

Jermaine PedantJermaine Pedant says… Your heart may be in the right place, Brian, but your second apostrophe is not: McBrides is a plural, not a possessive, whereas the opposite applies with girls’.


Happy holidays, everyone; class dismissed!

Tune in every Wednesday for more from Football Burp’s very own Jermaine Pedant!

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