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Jermaine Pedant: Williams, Roberts, Dyer, Stockdale, Bedoya, Yennaris, Simpson

Jermaine PedantFootball Burp’s very own Jermaine Pedant enjoys nothing more than strolling back and forth in his professor’s gown, casting scholarly gazes over his fellow professionals’ online scribblings.

Each week, he homes in on a few choice instances of common grammatical failings and raps on them repeatedly with his disciplinary cane until we’ve all jolly well learnt to treat the Queen and her English with the utmost respect. Read on for this week’s lessons…

Fara Williams

The England and Everton midfielder took a trip to Stratford…

Jermaine PedantJermaine Pedant says… Sorry Fara, it’s a French rather than English saying so it is in fact ‘en route’. Don’t worry, we all make the odd faux pas here and there. C’est la vie.

Bruce Dyer

The former Watford, Crystal Palace and Barnsley striker was doubly at fault…

Jermaine PedantJermaine Pedant says… If you’ve been in so many schools then you should know by now that it’s ‘would have’, not ‘would of’. Go to some more, good sir!

Nico Yennaris

The young Arsenal defender was in contemplative mood…

Jermaine PedantJermaine Pedant says… And take this one with you.

Alejandro Bedoya

The Rangers/Club 12 midfielder/free agent was trying to lighten the mood…

Jermaine PedantJermaine Pedant says… Unless you’re referring to something owned by somebody named Monday, there should be no apostrophe on ‘Mondays’ as it is a plural, not the possessive Monday’s. In addition, that should be “you’ve got ass ma”; I would usually conclude that you meant “you’ve got an ass” but I am tentatively willing to accept that the word ‘ass’ has evolved to include the state or quality of an ass being aesthetically pleasing.

David Stockdale

The Fulham goalkeeper was gauging reaction to a film he fancied watching…

Jermaine PedantJermaine Pedant says… No, but I’ve seen Sons of Anarchy.

Jermaine PedantJermaine Pedant says… I don’t give two hoots what other people are saying, it’s spelt anarchy!

Jason Roberts

The Reading striker had his day brightened by a cheerful barista…

Jermaine PedantJermaine Pedant says… You know what makes me happy? Correct grammar. It simply isn’t cricket to capitalise nouns that aren’t pronouns or part of a headline. If she actually does go by the title The Young Lady and was serving you with a rather prosaically named brand product then I apologise to you both.

Danny Simpson

The Newcastle United full-back was on hand to clear up some uncertainty regarding a team mate…

Jermaine PedantJermaine Pedant says… Play along at home! Anyone?

Right, now I must make haste, for the pursuit of knowledge is an insatiable mistress. Class dismissed!

Tune in every Wednesday for more from Football Burp’s very own Jermaine Pedant!