Join us in looking at five recent examples of things that cost the same as the £35m that Arsenal have shelled out on Alexis Sánchez…
Margaret Thatcher’s last home
This Belgravia property is being turned into “a 7,000 sq ft house by joining it up with the mews property behind and digging under to create two basement floors”, making it an ideal lodging for up-and-coming youngsters like Yaya Sanogo and World Cup star Joel Campbell.
The Gunners could even have it all converted into flats and sell them off à la Highbury. Of such a capitalist venture old Maggie would surely have approved.
Aligning themselves with the Tories could force Arsenal into ditching their traditional red jerseys for blue ones, but then Russian-owned Chelsea might be open to the idea of a swap in this regard.
Furthermore, signing Argentinian players might no longer be an option. Best stick with the Chileans – after all, she always did get on with General Pinochet. The lovable old rogue.
A 1962 Ferrari 250 GTO Berlinetta
This “slice of red Italian excellence” – yes, we’re quoting Top Gear (euch) – could become the most expensive car ever sold at auction when it goes under the hammer at Bonhams’ ‘glitzy’ Quail event in California next month.
Ideal for Arsène Wenger to make a quick getaway in should Arsenal lose their opening game of the season again. Or they could have given it to Özil, so that he can run over photographers unburdened by the fear of unseemly bloodstains messing up his ride.
An aerospace research facility in Bedfordshire
Is Dennis Bergkamp still afraid of flying? If so, how could he ever hope to be Arsenal manager? Perhaps an aerospace research facility could design an aircraft that would somehow alleviate his phobia.
We’re thinking of some kind of virtual reality simulator that makes him think he’s twisting and turning impossibly on the edge of the penalty area, rather than thousands of miles up in the air with his destiny out of his own hands.
They can do amazing things with technology nowadays, you know.
Repairing the fire-damaged Glasgow School of Art
Arsenal have a rich history of influential Glaswegians – George Graham, Frank McLintock, Charlie Nicholas and Tommy Docherty to name but four – so what better way to acknowledge and celebrate this than by footing the bill for the GSA’s restoration works?
The goodwill engendered by such a gesture would doubtless ensure that the next generation of Scottish talent is Emirates-bound. And how exciting would that be?
One hundred million 35p energy drinks
Er…don’t try this at home, kids.
Well, it’s not every day that Arsenal sign Alexis Sánchez for £35m – so why not allow yourself a few million cheap energy drinks or so? Just this once.